The Infamous Lavender Story
by TheNovice
Summary: A story of soulmates - found and lost. Complete, single document (It's a long one - you've been warned)


_Author's Note:_

_This is an odd story, and if anyone bothers to read it, I'm sure it will generate its share of hate mail (Certainly those few who've read have either loved it or hated it, with no middle ground.) Although the plot is complete, strictly speaking, the story isn't. The story stretches thin in places, and its coherency tangles on itself… then it just gets strange. It's also fairly long and refuses to be broken down in to chapters… The muse that whispered this story in my ear had probably been sniffing something shortly beforehand._

_This is actually the second story I wrote for the HP universe – it was written shortly before 'As Summers Go', and well before the Seekers. On finishing the story, I realized that it was flawed and decided not to release it (don't ask me how 'Destiny' ever got released). Subsequently, I cannibalized parts of it for later my later work – if the occasional part seems familiar, that's why._

_So if this story is so flawed, why release it now, almost three years after it was written? In short, because it's the kind of story that gets under your skin, and in my eyes, that is the mark of successful fiction. It may be that I have a certain autobiographical attachment to it (it became uncannily prescient of my life in the years since it was written), but I think it has sufficient merit to be read by strangers._

_Thanks to everybody,_

_The Novice_

_This story is dedicated to Maryska_

_Where ever you are, what ever you're doing – I wish you grace_

I loved you first: but afterwards your love  
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song  
As drowned the friendly cooings of my dove.  
Which owes the other most? My love was long,  
And yours one moment seemed to wax more strong;  
I loved and guessed at you, you construed me  
And loved me for what might or might not be

Christina Rossetti, Monna Inominata, Sonnet IV

Through the darkness of a warm suburban evening Harry heard the distinctive fluttering of owl wings. Harry had learned through sheer willpower to distinguish the sound of an owl in flight from that of other birds. For two months out of the year, owls were his only link to the outside world and for those two months owls helped keep him sane. This particular owl was his own dear friend Hedwig back from a trip and carrying a message from his best friend Hermione Granger.

Harry fed and watered Hedwig, slipping her a few extra treats before returning her to her cage for a well-deserved rest. Hedwig hooted appreciatively. His owl settled, Harry sat down and unrolled the parchment.

"_Dear Harry," the note read, "I am very sorry to hear that your summer is going just like all the others. Please try to keep your spirits up. I know that you've been through a lot, but remember that we, your friends, care about you a great deal. I am writing letters almost daily to Professor Dumbledore asking him to get you out of there. Mrs. Weasley is doing the same. Sooner or later he is going to listen just to get us to stop us from writing him so often._

"_So, how are you studies going? I'm sure you don't get much time for it, but this is a very important year. The O.W.L.s are the foundation for our futures. To help you along, I made a schedule for you to use as a guide for studying, making sure to allot extra time for those subjects you do least well in. You don't have to use it of course, but it's really for your own good. I sent one to Ron as well. He decided on no uncertain terms to not use my schedule. It's his loss._

"_In closing, remember that we are your friends and we are here for you. - Hermione_"

Harry folded the letter and put it in the box in which he kept all of the letters he received from his friends. He got out his quill and a fresh roll of parchment and sat down to write a reply.

"_Dear Hermione, I got your letter and wanted to say thanks for your concern. The Dursleys are still the total prats they've always been. I really hope Professor Dumbledore will let me leave soon. I feel worn down and I am worried there's not much left to wear away. I am afraid to sleep. I only have two kinds of dreams and both of them are bad. I either relive the events surrounding Cedric's death, or I dream of meeting him in the halls of Hogwarts as if nothing happened, seeing him with Cho, he never talks to me, he only stares._

"_Thanks also for the study guide. I will try to stick to it. I have lots of time to kill at night since I'm not sleeping. I read until I can no longer make eyes focus, and then try to work on the essays. Nothing is really legible, but I don't think the Professors really read them anyway._

"_I am tired of all this. I am tired of having my life ruled by fate. I'm tired of hiding from Death Eaters. I'm tired of living under the threat of Lord Voldemort. I am tired of being the boy-who-lived. I just want to be a normal person and do normal things. I would even like to have a girlfriend someday. All of that is a desert mirage for me. I'm never going to be allowed to be normal, or if I do I'll be so old I won't be able to enjoy it._

"_I'd better go before I get too depressing. Thanks again for writing. Your friend, Harry"_

The next evening Hedwig landed on Hermione's window sill delivering Harry's note. Hermione was disturbed. Harry needed help and no one seemed prepared to give it to him. If he wasn't going to get professional help, at the very least Harry needed a break. Hermione wrote a long and detailed letter to Professor Dumbledore once again making her case. She gave Hedwig a treat and sent her own her way asking her to return when she was done. Once Hedwig was in the air Hermione sat down and continued writing. She had several more letters to write before she slept tonight.

A very haggard looking Harry, flanked by Mr. Weasley and Ron, popped into the front lawn of the Burrow. Mr. Weasley levitated Harry's trunk and Ron led it into the house and up the stairs to his room. Mr. Weasley escorted Harry directly to Mrs. Weasley who immediately greeted him with a warm motherly hug and then began force feeding him until he couldn't stand it any more. Fred and George came down to say hello and make a few jokes about the wisdom of sleeping once in a while.

Sleep actually seemed like a particularly good idea at the moment. Harry couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten so much at one sitting. His body felt warm and heavy and even the smallest movement seemed to require a barrel of energy. He went into the living room and sat on the sofa to play a game of chess with Ron and fell asleep after the fourth move.

Harry woke in darkness, unsure of his surroundings. As awareness soaked in, he remembered. He was at the Burrow, apparently he had fallen asleep on the sofa and they had left him there, covering him with a quilt rather than disturb him. He had no idea what time it was or how long he had slept. He felt good though. His stomach wasn't gnawing on itself, and he had slept without dreams or nightmares. He sat up to look for a clock, wanting to know if it was worth the trouble of going back to sleep or not. The only light available was from the moon, through the windows.

"Nightmare?" a voice asked from out of the darkness. Harry nearly jumped out of his skin. The voice was Ginny Weasley's.

"No," he answered, "I just woke up. What time is it? do you know? How long have I been asleep?"

"It's sometime after two… ten or twelve hours I guess." Ginny poured him a glass of water from a pitcher she had nearby. "I thought you might need this."

He did need it. He gulped the water down greedily. Ginny poured him another glass and he drank that one as well. "Thanks," he said, "Did you get stuck down here to look after me? Sorry."

Ginny shook her head. "No, I came down on my own. I thought you might wake in the middle of the night, and might feel better if someone were here when you did."

Harry caught himself staring and the contrast between her hair, her skin, and the white cotton of her robe. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was a girl. He tried to avert his eyes to something else, but they seemed glued to that spot just below her neck.

"That was really sweet of you," he said, forcing himself to study the pattern of the quilt he had draped over him. "I'm okay now, I think. You can go back to bed if you want."

"I don't really want to go back to bed. I thought maybe we could talk or something."

"Sure," answered Harry. He was puzzled – what could Ginny want to talk to him about? Wouldn't Hermione be a better choice for just about anything?

Ginny clutched the arms of the chair she was sitting in. She had come this far, she had almost chickened out twice already. She had played this out in her head over and over. All she had to do was say the words and one way or the other it would be done. She was mentally prepared for failure, she had no hope of success, all she had to do was talk, and then it would be over… but what if?

"Did you ever fancy a girl, Harry?" That wasn't really what she had meant to say at all.

"Cho," Harry answered, "but that's wrecked all to hell now."

Well, there it was. That was swift and painless – almost painless anyway.

"She never even knew," continued Harry, "Some Gryffindor I am, every time I went to tell her I went all spastic and made a fool of myself. When I finally got enough courage to ask her to the Yule Ball, she was already going with Cedric."

Harry was silent for a while. Ginny wished she could say something to comfort him, but she was wrapped in her own pain at the moment.

"You ever fancy a boy?"

Ginny was shocked. She had been told that Harry had no idea, but she had never really believed she had been anything less than transparent. How could he not know? She nodded in reply.

"Neville?" he asked. Ginny shook her head. He really, really didn't know. Would it matter if he did?

"You don't have to tell me. I shouldn't have asked. I've always wondered what it's like to be fancied by a girl. Are boys as dense about it as girls are?"

"Like lead compared to feathers." If there was something denser than lead, that was Harry.

"So, this chap of yours, does he know?"

"Not a clue," answered Ginny. "If you knew a girl fancied you Harry, what would you do? Do you think you would fancy her back?" There was still just the slightest bit of hope. She might as well play this out to the end now. She'd already lost, now it was just a matter of degree.

Harry looked thoughtful. "I never really thought about that. I suppose it would depend on who it was. If it were Millicent Bulstrode, I would probably run the other way screaming. The way my life goes, it probably will be Millicent Bulstrode."

"What if it was me?" There, she said it.

The words overwhelmed Harry. They were posed as a hypothetical, but in a moment of clarity Harry understood their true meaning. The vague undercurrent of attraction he had always felt towards Ginny became a torrent. "You, Ginny? Really? Oh wow. Oh wow. You and me? Really? That's just amazing. How long?"

"Since forever, Harry." The effect on Harry was amusing, but she still wasn't sure what it meant.

"Oh my, that long? I'm denser than rocks, I guess. Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure." Under other circumstances, this might be funny. At the moment, it was most definitely not funny.

"I…oh wow…this is the most amazing thing ever…you're sure you're sure?"

"Harry Potter, do you fancy me or not!"

"Oh yes, definitely yes."

Yes, definitely yes! She hadn't lost after all. What now? She was completely unprepared for success. She had never ever imagined that Harry would ever like her back. She had at least a dozen plans for what to do in the event of failure and not one for what to do in case of victory. She had always thought Harry would know. Harry was still blithering like an idiot, a very cute and sweet idiot, but still an idiot.

"Ginny?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know, go back to bed and get some sleep I think. Then figure out the rest tomorrow."

"There is no way I am going to be able to get back to sleep now."

"Just try. We'll talk more tomorrow."

Ginny got up and headed towards her room. She stopped, turned around and went back to the sofa where Harry was. Harry was still sitting upright. Just in case this was a dream, or in case he had rethought his decision by morning, she needed more. She sat down beside him and pulled her face to his. Their lips touched and the effect was electric. Their teeth banged into each other which was less than electric. They both laughed and tried again.

Slow and easy, Harry told himself. The problem was he felt like he was about to burst. Ginny Weasley fancied him. He had thought he would like to have a girlfriend, but he had never thought it might be Ginny Weasley, but here he was kissing her on the sofa in the middle of the night. He was trying to kiss her anyway, this was slightly more difficult than it looked. There was more to this than just getting your lips together… a lot more.

The feel of Ginny's lips next to his, the smell of her hair, and the softness of her skin, the closeness of her was intoxicating. The fact that she actually wanted him this close simply defied imagination. Harry had known that someday he would kiss a girl, and he had a reasonable idea of the process from listening to other guys talk, but none of that did justice to the feeling of a real girl who really wanted to kiss you. Just try not to do the thing with the teeth again, he told himself.

Ginny broke away. "In the morning, now go to sleep." She crept up to her room quietly and closed the door behind her. Harry had been right, there was no way she was going to be able to sleep. There was just too much to think about. She had actually done it, after all these years. She had gone there and told him, and he hadn't laughed at her or hated her. He had been as afraid and confused as she had been. He liked her though, that was the most important thing.

After an hour of tossing and turning, Ginny gave up on her quest for sleep and got dressed. She went downstairs to talk to Harry and found him snoring like a sawmill. She woke him up.

"I thought you said you wouldn't be able to sleep."

Harry grinned sheepishly. "It just sort of happened. I was too happy to think, and I fell asleep."

She could live with that. "Cocoa or tea?" she asked, headed for the kitchen.

"Tea," Harry answered, "I'll help." He followed her and set up cups, cream and sugar while she put the kettle on. Ginny made a plate of sugar biscuits and they sat across from each other sipping tea.

"Its morning now, I guess we talk," said Ginny.

"It's such a new feeling, I don't know the right words yet."

"If you had stayed awake and thought about it instead of sleeping, maybe you wouldn't have that problem."

Harry flicked a sugar crumb at her in form of protest. Ginny flicked it back at him. "The only words I can come up are 'great', 'wonderful', and 'wow'. They kind of lose their meaning when you keep saying them over and over."

"I was absolutely positive you were going to laugh at me when I said I fancied you," Ginny said quietly.

"I would never laugh about something like that, it would be cruel. I sorry I was so dense about things. I really had no clue. I am truly sorry if I hurt you."

"I know Harry. I did try really hard to hide it, so it's not completely your fault."

"Are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

"Do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yes definitely."

"I would be proud to have you as my boyfriend."

"Maybe we could work on that kissing thing again some time."

"I would like that too."

Mrs. Weasley came down at six and found the two of them still chatting. Her first tendency was to demand an explanation, then she decided against it. The explanation was obvious, and they were only chatting after all. Ginny and Harry both looked very happy. That by itself was an accomplishment. Both of them could do far worse for themselves than the other, so she held her tongue. Fred and George would do far worse than she could anyway.

On one level life at school with a girlfriend wasn't really so different than life at school without a girlfriend. You still had to do all of the same things, there were still mountains of homework, there was still Professor Snape to deal with, there were still detentions to be served. On another level, absolutely everything was changed and Harry loved it. He loved the feeling that he belonged to someone. He loved it when the most brilliant, charming, and beautiful witch in the school tore through the Great Hall, turning heads the whole way and sat next to him. There was not a single thing about Ginny Weasley that he did not like. He was the luckiest Wizard in the world.

For her birthday, Harry bought Ginny a silver filigree necklace, set with flecks of fairy quartz and an emerald pendant. Ginny had ooh-ed and ah-ed over it one day while they were in Hogsmeade and Harry had gone back and bought it for her. He showed it to Hermione and she suggested that it was too much and not really an appropriate gift at their age. Harry insisted though. Ginny adored the gift and threw kisses at Harry in gratitude. The Weasley brothers generally agreed with Hermione, but did not interfere. So long as Ginny was happy, Harry didn't care what anyone else thought.

The institution of the Yule Ball was being preserved, and was highly anticipated. Harry, determined to actually enjoy this year's Ball, enlisted Hermione to help him learn how to dance. Hermione gladly helped. The change in Harry's behavior had been remarkable. He was almost always happy now. He seemed not so much a different person, but more of a person. He was more confident and at ease with himself and it suited him well.

Ginny came down the stairs from the fourth year girls' dorm looking like an angel. Her hair was up exposing the slim line of her neck, around which she wore the necklace Harry had given her for her birthday. Her robes were darkish green with darker green detailing in a shade that was the perfect balance between the color of her skin, the color of her hair and the color. Just looking at her made Harry's heart do somersaults.

At the Ball they sat at a table with Ron and Hermione. Harry and Ginny danced continuously and Harry was proud that he hadn't stepped on her feet once. He wanted this night to be perfect for her. Tired and slightly overheated from dancing, they took a break from the Great Hall and went to one of the courtyards for some fresh air. They sat on a bench and looked up at the winter stars.

"Are you having a good time?" Harry asked.

"The best"

"Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?"

"About five thousand times…"

"Including this time?"

"Five thousand and one then."

"Did I tell you how lucky I was to have you?

"Harry, shush." She reached up and kissed him. He kissed her back passionately, and she melted into him. She couldn't help but think of their first kiss together back in the summer, how awkward it had been, banging teeth, and not being able to breathe. Practice had perfected this, or Harry had natural talent for it. Her toes curled and the world went fuzzy when Harry kissed her

"You have the advantage of me, Mr. Potter."

Harry traced the lines of her face. "No Ginny, I don't think so. I will never have the advantage of you. We are connected, you and I. You are my soul mate and I love you. You could destroy me with a word or a look."

This was the guy who could only think of 'wow', 'wonderful', and 'great' a few months earlier. "You shouldn't use those words so lightly. They'll lose their meaning if you use them too much." She smiled at him.

Harry didn't smile back. "Actually, I chose them carefully."

There had been a fear building in Ginny's chest since she and Harry had become a couple. It had been a vague and nameless fear until now. Harry's words had given it shape and substance. They were connected, the two of them, there was no way to deny that. What did that connection mean though? Had she been born only to be Harry's soul mate? Did she have a choice about this or was it all pre-ordained? Harry was staring at her, waiting for a response. "I love you too, you know. I'm afraid of it though. I'm fifteen years old, and I'm not ready for love. I'm not ready to be Mrs. Potter yet."

Harry looked like she had slapped him. Harry wore his emotions like a billboard, announcing them for anyone who cared to read them. "I'm sorry Ginny, I didn't know. I won't mention it again until you're ready. Time isn't going to change anything, I can wait."

She could see in his face that he was wounded though. She kissed him again, but there was no fire in it. "I do love you Harry, you are my first and my great true love. Nothing will ever change that. We are soul mates, but I have to grow into this. Nothing has changed between us, Harry. Please don't take this as a rejection."

"I'm not. Like I said, I can wait."

"Let's go dance."

Harry kissed her again and the fire was back. He understood her better than anyone else. He was her soul mate.

Harry was flying high above the action of the game. This was the final match of the year and his last distraction before the hell of the O.W.L.s. Harry was determined to cinch the Quidditch cup and with a bit of luck, the house cup too. To be safe, they needed nine goals and the Snitch. They had seven goals now and twice he had feinted Malfoy away from the Snitch's actual location. Malfoy wasn't a bad flyer – what kept him from being a good Seeker was his inability to find the Snitch on his own. Unless Malfoy got very lucky, Harry would always rule over matches against Slytherin.

Harry spotted the telltale flash of gold he wanted just as Angelina Johnson slammed in the eighth goal. Close enough, no use risking Malfoy's luck. Harry made a dash for the Snitch and Draco was quickly on his tail. Harry gave himself a slight altitude advantage over his opponent and Malfoy didn't think to match it. Harry dove for the Snitch with an acceleration advantage and handily snatched it before Malfoy even got close.

Malfoy was furious and even though the game was over, positioned himself in Harry's path. Harry didn't know for sure who was over his head, but he couldn't pull out of his dive fully without hitting them. Rather than risk hitting some one, he took the impact. The ground came up a blur. Harry let go of his broom, clutched the Snitch to his chest, and tucked his head in preparation. He hit fast and hard, somersaulting several times before thing went black.

He woke up in the Hospital Wing the next day. Ginny was there along with Ron, Hermione and Angelina Johnson.

"Harry, when are you going to learn that no Snitch is worth dying for?" Angelina asked.

"It wasn't the Snitch that was the problem, Somebody was flying right over my head and I couldn't pull up without hitting them."

"It was Malfoy, that bastard pinned you down. The game was over technically, so we couldn't even get a penalty out of it."

"Did we have our nine goal lead?" Harry asked.

Angelina nodded. "Yep, you did good Harry. Just be careful from now on. It's a game, it's not worth dying over."

"Keeping Slytherin from getting the House Cup for five years running is worth a little pain," said Ron. Hermione elbowed him hard.

"Not if it's your boyfriend that's hitting the ground." Ginny objected

"I'll see you guys later," said Angelina, "I'm going down to Hogsmeade. Need me to get you anything, Harry?"

Harry shook his head and Angelina left. "I'm sorry Ginny, this was going to be our last good weekend before O.W.L.s and now I'm stuck here."

The disappointment was visible on Ginny's face. "It's not your fault, Harry. It's that bastard Malfoy. I was really looking forward to this weekend too. I've been feeling so claustrophobic lately, like the castle is starting to close in on me."

"Ginny, go to Hogsmeade then. I'll still be here when you get back." Ginny hadn't been herself lately. She seemed withdrawn and distant. He feared that it was because of his words at the Yule Ball. Maybe it was just the pressure of upcoming exams, maybe all she needed was to be outdoors for a bit.

"Are you sure Harry?" Ginny looked hopeful.

"Yes, I'm sure. Go, breathe some unconfined air. Drink a Butter Beer or two. Then come back and tell me about it." Harry gave her his best smile.

"I'll stay here with Harry," offered Hermione, "I have some studying to do anyway. You go with her, Ron."

Ron shrugged his shoulders and made for the door. Ginny gave Harry a quick kiss on the forehead. "Thanks Harry, I'll be back soon." In a flash she was gone.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Hermione asked once they were alone.

"Aside from whatever bones I broke that are keeping me in the Hospital Wing, you mean?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of you and Ginny."

"Oh," said Harry, "we're wonderful."

"Then why am I here while she's in Hogsmeade?"

"You heard her, she needed a break. Who can blame her?"

"The man she loves is incapacitated in the hospital, and she needs a Butter Beer?"

"We don't use that word."

"Love? Why is that Harry? Whose choice was that?"

"We made it together."

"Ballocks, Harry," said Hermione, "I know you like I know myself, and you don't think that way. If Ginny doesn't want to use the word love and you do, there's a reason for it – like maybe she doesn't feel as strongly about you as you feel about her."

"This is between me and Ginny, we made the decision that was right for us."

"I'm sure you believe that Harry, but that doesn't make it so. Listen Harry, I know you're in love but you have to save something for yourself. She's going to hurt you and if you don't keep something back, you're going to wish Voldemort would come and kill you himself."

"Ginny is not going to hurt me. We're soul mates and if she needs a Butter Beer to make her feel better, then I bloody well want her to go and get a Butter Beer. I'm going to sleep now." Harry closed his eyes. What did Hermione Granger know about love?

"I hope you're right, Harry. I really, really do."

Ginny sat down in the middle of a huddle consisting of Padma and Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, and Hannah Abbot. It was the first week in December, so there was only one real topic that was likely to be discussed by this group, and that was who was taking who to the Yule Ball.

"I've been asked by three different guys," said Lavender.

"So who are you going with?" asked Parvati.'

"David Rafferty, the seventh year Hufflepuff," Lavender answered.

"Anything serious between you two, or just dancing?" asked Ginny.

"You never know," Lavender said, "Dancing to start with, we'll see after that."

"What do you care, Ginny?" asked Padma, "You're going with Harry. You two are practically married, you might as well change your name to Mrs. Potter."

"You're just jealous," said Hannah.

"Of course, I am," replied Padma, "Harry is dreamy, especially now that he's growing up."

"Actually, I was thinking about going with Colin Creevey," said Ginny.

"You wouldn't dare!" said Lavender.

"Dump Harry for Colin Creevey? Are you insane?" asked Hannah. "Colin is such a pest with that camera, and Harry is just so…Harry"

"If you're dumping Harry, I'm calling dibs," said Parvati.

"You can't call dibs on a person!" Padma insisted. "You have to fight for him, just like the rest of us."

"I didn't say I was dumping him," said Ginny. She got up and left. They didn't believe her anymore than she believed herself/

She didn't say it, but it was the truth. She just hadn't figured out how to tell him yet. This was almost as hard as telling him that she liked him in the first place. Well, maybe nothing was that hard, but it was certainly a difficult thing to do. She needed to do it soon too. She had that everything-closing-in-on-her feeling again. It wasn't fair to Harry to drag this out.

Three days later, Harry met her in the hallway outside of Transfigurations classroom. His face was ashen, and he looked like his best friend had died. "We need to talk," he said, "Parvati Patil just asked me to the Yule Ball. She said you're planning to go with someone else. Lavender said the same thing. Please tell me this isn't true, Gin"

She couldn't lie to him. "I have to go to class, Harry. Meet me in the courtyard before dinner."

"Why, Ginny?"

"Meet me in the courtyard."

Harry skived off the rest of his last classes for the day. He went directly to the courtyard and waited. It was cold and miserable, but the physical sensation was actually welcome. Ginny found him huddled up under his robe, using the heat of his breath to keep himself warm.

"Harry? You look miserable."

"I am miserable, thanks for noticing though."

"I'm sorry, Harry."

"Why Ginny? What did I do wrong? I'll do whatever it takes. I mean it, I'll do anything."

"It's not you, Harry, it's me."

"Oh no, it's worse than I thought. You know that one's actually on the list, number two I think, of top ten signs your relationship is history. So who are you going with?"

"I don't know."

"You're dumping me for no one? Was I that terrible Ginny? I tired so hard, I put everything I had into it."

"You weren't terrible, Harry. You were the perfect boyfriend, you were sweet and kind and loving and attentive. You did everything right."

"Then why?"

"It's too much, Harry, I can't handle it. I'm losing myself in this relationship. I can't separate the 'me' from the 'us'. I don't know where I stop and you start."

"That's funny, because I know exactly where you start and I stop. All the best parts of me, everything that made me happy, was you."

"People already think of me as Mrs. Potter, and I'm only sixteen years old. It's too much, too soon."

"So how old do you have to be?"

"It doesn't work like that Harry."

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

"You're not making this easy, Harry"

"Am I supposed to? The woman I love more than life is leaving me. My soul mate is walking away. Excuse me, if I don't jump up and open the door for you."

"You're sixteen, Harry. You're not supposed to have a soul mate, or love anyone more than life itself."

"Sorry, I'll just reach in and turn the switch off."

"Damn it, Harry. I just want to be a teen-ager. I don't want to belong to someone, no matter how wonderful or perfect they are. I just want to be me."

"I don't remember ever asking you to be anyone else."

"You just don't understand."

"You're right I don't. I'm confined by this whole language issue, where people use words to make themselves understood. You lied to me Ginny. I trusted you with everything, and you lied to me and now you're throwing my hopes and my dreams away."

"When did I lie to you Harry?"

"You said that you loved me, you told me I was your soul mate too - right here on this bench. "

"I didn't lie Harry I meant it."

"So what happened? How do you stop loving someone? That's a piece of information I really need right now."

"I didn't stop, Harry. I do love you and you are my soul mate. If I don't have some time to be just me though, there isn't going to be an 'I' left to love you."

"So this is a temporary dump? Whenever you find 'you', you'll be back? I can wait."

"Harry, I don't know how long it could take, It could be years."

"Days, months, years, what's the difference? It's already been an eternity just this afternoon."

"Harry, I can't ask you to do this."

"So don't, you dumped me remember, I can do whatever the hell I want now. What the hell I want to do is wait for the woman I love."

Harry stood up, gathered his bag and left. He needed to get to Gryffindor Tower, crawl into bed, close the curtains and… cry? think? He didn't know. He felt hurt and angry and betrayed. This just didn't make sense. He had done something wrong, or there was some flaw in him that he couldn't see. It was the only possible explanation.

The Fat Lady let him pass and he stormed through the Common Room. He had only made it this far on sheer anger, and the anger was wearing off. The only will power he had remaining was from rage, when it was gone he didn't know how he would continue. He had enough problems right now without falling apart in front of everyone in the Common Room.

Ron and Hermione were playing Chess near the fire. Ron called out to him, but he didn't stop, instead he practically started running.

"I guess she told him," commented Lavender, who was sitting at a table with Parvati nearby.

"Who told him what?" asked Ron. Hermione has a sinking feeling that she knew exactly what had happened. She tipped her king in resignation. Ron looked at her questioningly. Hermione never won at chess, but she never quit either.

"Ginny," Hermione said quietly.

"No way," said Ron, "That's just not possible."

"It's true," said Parvati, "She told us three days ago she was going to do it." Lavender nodded in solidarity.

"Come on," said Hermione as she stood up. "He needs friends right now."

They climbed the steps to the sixth-year boys' dorm. Ron bullied Neville out of the room and put a magical lock on the door.

"Harry?"

There was no answer. Ron tried to open his curtains, but Harry immediately pulled them tight again.

"Fine, we'll stay on this side," said Hermione

"Go away, please." Harry was obviously crying. "I don't want to talk right now."

"What exactly happened, Harry?" Ron asked, "Did you and Ginny have a fight?"

"No, She dumped me."

"Why would she dump you if you didn't have a fight?"

"Look, I don't want to talk about this right now. I really need some time alone."

"Ok, Harry. Tomorrow, though, we're coming to get you."

In solitude, Harry cried tears of anger and rage. He replayed the whole event over and over in his mind. It just didn't make sense. He picked her words apart, looking for some clue. He tried to find the root of the root of the problem. He knew what the root of the problem was – it had started when he told her that he loved her. She didn't want him to love her. There was nothing else that made sense.

She still insisted that she loved him though. That night on the sofa he had asked her how long she had fancied him. "Practically forever," she had answered. She had had a crush on him in her first year. Supposing it had started then, that meant she had a crush on him for four years, but after a year and a half as his girlfriend, she had gotten tired of him. But still, she insisted they were soul mates. There was just no solution to this.

He felt like part of himself had been ripped away. He felt like his soul was bleeding. What was the point of loving someone you didn't want to be around. If Ginny loved him, why did she want to be apart from him? She had said she had loved him and that he was her soul mate. He found the statement truly hard to believe, but he knew that Ginny hadn't been lying to him. She was confused. She would realize it, sooner or later and she would come back to him. He just had to wait. It didn't make him feel any better, but at least it was a plan.

The next morning, Ron and Hermione found him curled into a ball, still wearing his robes from the day before. After leaving Harry, they had pumped Parvati and Lavender for as much information as possible. They had tried to question Ginny, but she adamantly refused to talk. Since he hadn't gone down for breakfast, they had brought him up some fruit and a pastry and a carafe of pumpkin juice. As expected Harry resisted their attempts.

"Get up, Harry. We're going to Hogsmeade," said Hermione

"I don't want to go," said Harry, "You go without me."

"Not going to happen, mate," said Ron, "You're getting up, we're going to Hogsmeade and you can drown your sorrows in Butter Beer."

"Get up willingly, or we'll make you get up," threatened Hermione.

"I really don't want to be around people right now," insisted Harry.

"Doesn't matter. You can tell us all about it at the Three Broomsticks."

Harry refused to get up. Hermione pulled her wand and levitated him out of the bed. "Ron, throw him in the shower and get him dressed. I'll wait in the Common Room. Use force if you have to."

Ron moved into action. Hermione found a seat in the Common Room and pulled out the book she was carrying in the pocket of her robe. Ginny came skipping down the stairs from the girls' dorms. Hermione leapt up and pulled her aside.

"I am not in the mood for this, Hermione," Ginny said bluntly.

"I really don't care what you're in the mood for," Hermione said with venom in her voice, "unless you're planning to kiss and make up with Harry. Ron and I are taking him to the Three Broomsticks and I would really appreciate it if you didn't make an appearance."

"I'm supposed to meet some friends there. Harry has to learn to deal with this."

"Did Harry do something to hurt you?" asked Hermione.

"No, he didn't do anything to hurt me. This isn't about Harry, this is about me."

"That much is obvious. Listen to me, you're like a sister to me, Ginny, and I'm not trying to make you get back together with him, I'm just asking you to give him today at the Three Broomsticks. The way I see it, you owe him a day in Hogsmeade."

"I don't 'owe' Harry anything, and this is none of your business."

"Last year when Harry was in hospital, you went to Hogsmeade instead of sitting with him. Your boyfriend was hurt but you needed a Butter Beer; today he needs the Butter Beer more than you do. Harry is devastated, this is the least you can do since you're so cheerful about the whole damn thing. Harry has to have meant something to you."

"Okay, but this really is not fair," said Ginny.

"I'm sure Harry feels the same way. He's going to be down in a few minutes, so unless you want a scene, you should be somewhere else."

Harry found that he actually enjoyed the walk down to Hogsmeade. The air was cold, but the sun was bright. The physical exertion was a welcome distraction. Ron thought he looked like death in a can, but once he was moving his spirits seemed to pick up a little bit. He and Hermione had to struggle to keep up with him.

In the Three Broomsticks they were there before the big rush of students and the place was practically empty. By the third round of Butter Beer, Harry was ready to talk.

"She gave me the "It's not you, it's me" treatment."

"Ouch!" sympathized Ron, "That's got to hurt."

"I just don't know what I did wrong. There must be something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Harry," said Hermione, "Sometimes these things just happen."

"So are you going to say 'I told you so'?" asked Harry.

"No, Harry. I told you then I wished that I wrong, and I still do. If I could change this for you, I would."

"You were right, though. Right now, I wish Voldemort would just kill me and get it over with, or there was a Dementor around to kiss."

"Don't say that, mate. It's not that bad. You'll get over it. It will just take a while, that's all."

"I don't want to get over it. She'll come back after a while. She just has to find herself, or whatever it is. We still love each other, she just needs a little time and space."

"Harry, that's a load of rot. She's going to go do whatever she wants while you sit and wait for her. That's just not right, and it's not healthy. If she's going on with her life, you have to do the same. Get yourself a date and go to the Yule Ball."

"That's what you need to do, Harry. Get yourself a date and try to have a good time," agreed Ron.

"I can't do it. It's too soon. It'll be worse than when I went with Parvati. Besides, the Yule Ball was special for us last year – it would bring back too many memories. I'm not going."

"If you're not going," said Hermione, "We're not going" Ron started to object, but Hermione kicked him under the table.

"You already have dates," said Harry, "You have to go."

"Dates can be broken," insisted Hermione. "You're our best friend, we are not going to leave you alone at a time like this."

"Come on, Harry, she's right. I have a date with Sarah Harrington and she's drop-dead gorgeous, so you know you must be important if I'm willing to give that up."

"Ok, I'll go, but I'm not bringing a date and I'm not promising I'll stay all night."

"Works for me," said Ron.

The night of the Yule Ball, Harry waited until well after the Ball had started to throw on his Dress robe and leave his dorm. He sat in the empty Common Room watching the flames dance around the fireplace. He was seriously considering just sitting there for the rest of the evening. The fire was warm, it was quiet, and he didn't want to go to the ball anyway. Hermione came and found him sitting there. He'd promised, she reminded him, and he was not backing out.

At the Ball he found it hard to take his eyes off of Ginny. She looked every bit as magnificent as she had the year before. He just couldn't believe she wanted to go to the Ball with Colin Creevey. He wished he had stayed by the fire, this was torture. Hermione insisted that he dance with her. Her own date, Gerry Milligan from Ravenclaw seemed to have turned into a fizzle. Ron at least, was having a good time.

"Let's go, Harry," Hermione whispered to him. This had been about their sixth dance. "This is torture for you, and I'm not having much fun either."

Harry put up no argument at all. Back in Gryffindor Tower they changed back into ordinary robes, then sat in the corner of the Common Room and played chess. Other than small talk they didn't say much, they weren't even really paying attention to the game. It was just something to pass the time. At midnight the Ball ended and their Housemates began returning in singles and pairs, full of happy talk and boisterous cheer. Ron came and joined them and kibitzed on their game.

Then there was her laughter. Ginny swept into the Common Room in a cloud of good humor. Colin was still on her arm. There was no mistaking the fact they'd had a good evening. Oblivious to the trio sitting in the corner, Colin walked Ginny to the foot of her stairs, and planted a kiss on her. Ginny, far from resisting seemed to return the kiss enthusiastically. Then turned and ran up the steps to her room. Colin must have felt Harry's stare burning into him, because he turned and blanched when he realized whom the people in the corner were. Doggedly, he vanished up the steps to the boys' dormitories.

"I'm too much for her, but she can kiss Colin Creevey, no problem. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Calm down, Harry," said Hermione.

"Maybe Colin swallowed her missing self, and she has to find it with her tongue. I ought to hex that little bastard, Colin, into a puddle of ooze."

"Harry, it's not worth it."

"It's my life, and I think it's worth it."

In March the weather broke and Quidditch returned. Harry drilled his team relentlessly. It was so bad that the reserve Beaters walked off the team. Professor McGonagall eventually intervened and forced Harry to ease off on the practices. The practice had its reward in the Gryffindor v Hufflepuff match when Gryffindor won with a lopsided 270-20 victory. Gryffindor had the Quidditch cup locked tight and they still had one more game to play. Harry flew with abandon and complete disregard for his own safety.

The last match of the year was the next month against Ravenclaw. In a truly spectacular feat of flying, Harry snatched the Snitch away from Cho Chang when it was only inches from her fingertips. He would have rather it had been Draco Malfoy, but a Snitch was a Snitch. Gryffindor had a commanding 420-point lead for the House cup. Nothing short of a geological event was going to take their victory away.

Uncharacteristically, Professor McGonagall had cases of Butter Beer waiting for them in the Common Room. She put silencing wards around Gryffindor Tower. Her students would have their celebration tonight, and she would have hers soon enough at the Head Table. She could already imagine the expression on Severus Snape's face. Victory was sweet.

Harry felt victory was rather hollow at the moment. Glory and Victory were nice enough, but you couldn't put your arms around them, and they weren't much company either. He had done it for the flying. That was it, he made his obligatory speech and shook the obligatory number of hands, then retreated to his bed. He'd done his part, and that was all he giving them.

"You should be happy tonight, Harry." That was Ginny's voice. "The party isn't the same without you."

"Shouldn't you be kissing Colin Creevey or something?" He didn't open his curtains.

"We had a row," answered Ginny, "I was never serious about him anyway."

"That's comforting."

"I've missed you Harry, and I've been worried about you. You always look so grim now, it doesn't suit you at all."

"Lost love does that to people, I hear." Harry sat up and opened the curtains. The sight of Ginny still made his heart pause a beat or two every time he saw her. "Why did you come here, Ginny?"

She went to him and put her arms around him and put her head on his shoulder. Harry was unsure how to react. He had practiced so hard at closing off his feelings for her, but now here she was. "I miss you so much Harry. I need you and it scares me."

Harry put his arms tentatively around her. "I've missed you too, Ginny. It's been horrible." He ran his fingers through the softness of her hair, and pulled her body tight to his.

Ginny turned her head up and they kissed. The familiar fire washed over her and her knees felt weak. Harry could still do that to her, even now.

"I love you, Ginny"

"Harry…"

"I'm not going to not say it anymore. It's part of who I am. To them, I'm "The Boy Who Lived", to me I'm "The Boy Who Loves Ginny Weasley."

"Why does it have to be all or nothing with you, Harry? Why can't we just be us, you and me?"

He kissed her again. It was deep and passionate. Her knees turned to jelly, her stomach did a flip, and her toes curled tight. She saw stars and heard choirs. It was that kind of a kiss. It was a masterpiece, even for Harry.

"That's why, " he said when he finally broke away. "Tell me you didn't feel that too"

Ginny didn't answer for a while. For one thing she needed to catch her breath and her pulse to return somewhere near normal. She pulled away from him. "I shouldn't have come," she said, then turned and ran down the stairs. Harry threw himself back onto his bed in anguish.

The next day he went to visit Professor Dumbledore. The old wizard welcomed him into his office and made him a cup of tea.

"Professor, I have a favor to ask."

"Of course, Harry. If I can do it, I will."

"This summer, no matter what happens, please don't send me to the Weasleys."

"I presume this has something to do with young Miss Weasley?"

Harry nodded. "Please, Professor. I can't handle that. I would rather stay locked under the cupboard than deal with that."

Dumbledore simply nodded in that solemn way he had. "I have another alternative that you might find appealing. I've been meaning to speak to you about it anyway. Have you given thought to what you are going to do when you leave Hogwarts?"

"One of two things, Become an Auror or play Quidditch. I would rather play Quidditch, of course, but I understand the importance of having Aurors, and I wouldn't mind following in my father's footsteps."

"Arrangements have been made for you to start Auror Training this summer. If you are interested, you will spend this summer undergoing the first phase of training, then in the fall, one block of your classes will be given over to advanced training. When you leave Hogwarts next summer, you will be approximately halfway through the training necessary to become a full-fledged Auror."

Harry thought for about ten seconds. "I'll do it." Anything would be better than spending summer at the Dursleys'. Training would keep him busy, and busy was good. When Voldemort attacked again, he would be ready for him. He wouldn't even need an excuse for not visiting the Burrow. This was a no-lose scenario.

Harry and Professor Dumbledore discussed the necessary preparations and arrangements. The more he thought about it, the more excited he became. He was going to become an Auror just like his father. He was never going to have to see the Dursleys again. They were even going to pay him while they trained him. He might be the youngest Auror in a hundred years. It wouldn't be as fun as Quidditch, but it was real and important work. He would be Harry Potter, Auror.

Neither Ron, nor Hermione believed him when he told them the news. When he finally convinced them it was true, their reaction was mixed.

"This was going to be our last summer together," said Hermione.

"Just like you to get the jump on everyone else, Harry. Normal people have to apply to the Auror Academy. Not only did they come looking for you, but they changed the rules just so you could attend."

"I wasn't going to come to stay at the Burrow anyway," said Harry, "I'll still be able to visit, but I can't stay there. It's just too close to Ginny. You understand that don't you, Ron?"

Grimly Ron nodded. "I understand. In your position, I would feel the same way. I'll miss you though. I wish I was going with you."

"We're still best friends and this isn't our last summer together, you know. We still have the rest of our lives. Maybe we could be roommates or something after we leave Hogwarts next year."

"That's a brilliant idea, Harry," said Hermione. "We can get a house somewhere and split the expenses. We'll see each other so much we won't be able to stand it."

"It's a plan then," said Ron.

At King's Cross, Harry was met by a representative from the Auror Academy instead of Uncle Vernon. Agent Rhys was very polite, and helped him manage his trunk into a waiting car. Only a few hours old, this summer was already looking up. At the Academy he was given a room, issued uniforms and equipment, then given the rest of the day off. Harry didn't really have anything to do, so he sent a few owls, then turned in early.

A good night's sleep was one of the best possible preparations he could've made. Training consisted of rigorous physical training, followed by classes and indoctrination, followed by more rigorous physical training, followed by more classes and indoctrination. The days ran together in an endless blur, except for Sundays, which were theirs to spend as they chose. Harry enjoyed the training, and put everything he had into it. The work and the exertion began to show, and he was surprised to look in the mirror one day, and see that he had actually developed some muscle mass. Best of all it kept his mind off of Ginny.

On the Sunday following his birthday, he got an owl from Sirius asking him to please come visit him at the Burrow. Harry had been avoiding the subject in owls from Ron and Hermione, but there was no way he could refuse Sirius. He dressed himself in a crisp uniform robe with shiny Cadet Third Class insignia and stepped through the fire into the Burrow.

Waiting for him was the entire Weasley family, along with Sirius and Hermione. They had planned a birthday dinner for him. Mrs. Weasley fussed over his uniform, and how much he had filled out. The twins started referring to him as "Sheriff". Ginny made overtures toward him, but he ignored them. Ron and Hermione ran interference for him, and tried to keep them as far from each other as possible.

Sirius pulled him out into the garden for a private chat, and gave him his birthday present, a pair of solid gold Auror insignia devices. On the back of the insignia was engraved "From James and Lily".

"They bought those for me when I finished the academy, and I want you to have them now. They would be proud of you if they could see you now. I don't think Prongs would have chosen for you to be an Auror, but he would be damn proud that you wanted to be one anyway."

"This is the best birthday present ever, really. I don't know how to thank you."

"Wearing them will be thanks enough. I'm proud of you too. If anyone ever had a right to hold a grudge against the world, it's you Harry, and somehow you've managed to not become bitter about the whole thing."

"I don't feel like I've done such a good job of that. Lately, I've felt almost nothing but bitterness."

"I heard about you and Ginny. It's normal to feel hurt about something like that. You don't want to hear this, I know, but in time you'll get over it. Women dig men in uniforms too…" he said with a wink, "In fact, I think that's the only reason the Auror Corps has dress uniforms."

"What about the female Aurors?" asked Harry.

"No idea," answered Sirius, "You wear that uniform out, and you'll have enough witches trying to get your attention that you won't remember her name."

"I don't think that's what I'm after. I really don't want another witch's attention, just Ginny's. If I can't have that, I'll settle for just not hurting so much."

"Relax, Harry, don't be in such a rush to start closing off doors. I know you feel like a wise old man, but really, you've only scratched the surface. Take time to enjoy yourself. Everything in life doesn't have to have a grand purpose."

"I know what I want," said Harry, "and I know who I want it with."

"You're never going to stop hurting as long as you think that way."

"I don't know how to stop though. Everyone seems to think I can just turn this off, but I can't. I must have missed that day of school, because I really don't know how to do it."

"You'll figure it out. Now, let's go back inside."

"I'll be along in a few minutes. I kind of like it out here."

He did like it out here. He thought of the Burrow as home as much as any other place. The Weasleys were like family to him – he wanted them to become family. This whole fiasco with Ginny was depriving him of the people he cared about. The fact that it was for something so abstract as "finding out who she was" made it that much worse. He had to stop thinking about this, it was going to drive him nuts and he had training the next day. He headed into the house and ran directly into Ginny.

"Happy Birthday, Harry. You're a hard man to talk to, you know that?"

"Not hard enough apparently."

"So you hate me now?"

"What difference does it make how I feel about you, Ginny? My feelings are completely irrelevant to you. You don't want my love, and you don't want me."

"That's not true, and you know it."

"I know nothing of the sort. Three little words and you'll run and throw yourself at Colin Creevey again. What exactly am I supposed to read from that?"

"Then don't say the words."

"Hide my feelings from you and then we can be together? Is that it, Ginny? Does that even sound right to you?"

"You twist everything I say into something awful."

"What you say is awful, Ginny. I didn't say those words to you for almost a whole year, because you said you weren't ready for them, and still you left me. I'm too much for you, you have to grow into these feelings, you say. How are you going to do that when you're snogging some other guy? How am I supposed to feel about that Ginny?"

"Well snog some other girl then, and get over it!"

"No Ginny, I am not going to justify your actions by doing the same thing. I can't be in love with you and snog someone else, it's just not right."

"If what I'm doing is so bloody wrong, why are you waiting for me?"

"Because I don't have a bloody choice about the matter. Now excuse me, I'm leaving."

They had been shouting without even realizing it. The entire house was standing there listening to them. Harry didn't care at the moment. He grabbed a handful of flue powder and stepped into the fire. Tomorrow, he would send owls of apology, but today he was angry. At least he was angry, anger was a lot easier to channel than pain.

Harry's class finished their first phase of training, and everyone was ceremonially advanced to Cadet Second Class. Harry finished at number three in his class. He still had two weeks of summer break left, so he volunteered to tag along for field training until school started. The senior agents called him "The Kid" and razzed him about his age, but it was good-natured. He felt like he belonged. He was looking forward to coming back.

The day before the train to Hogwarts, he met Ron and Hermione in Diagon Alley. The Auror presence had been stepped up dramatically for fear of Death Eater attacks, and Harry encountered many friendly faces. He introduced Ron and Hermione to his new friends, then they went and bought their school supplies for the last time.

Seventh Year was flying by for Harry. He had learned to keep himself busy. He had preparation for N.E.W.T.s, he was still Captain of the Quidditch team and ruled it with an iron fist, and he had daily Auror Training. His days were full and that was the way he liked them. He made a science of avoiding Ginny.

The Yule Ball was coming and Hermione once again insisted that he was going, and he going to have a date. Harry balked – he would go, but he wasn't bringing a date. That was final. Hermione brushed his decision aside; he was going to bring a date if she had to find him one herself. Four days before the Ball, Harry still did not have a date; furthermore he insisted that it was far too late for one to be arranged.

Hermione staged a coup. As Head Girl, Hermione scoured the girls' dorms throughout the school. She found a Ravenclaw fifth-year named Sine who had lost her parents the year before to Death Eaters and who had no date. Hermione introduced her to Harry in such a way, that he had no choice but to ask her to the dance. If looks could kill, Hermione would have smoldered, but Sine accepted and Harry swore to Hermione that he would make sure she had a good evening.

"You of all people should empathize with her," said Hermione.

"You are manipulative and devious," insisted Harry, "You knew I couldn't reject that girl."

"And you can't let her think you're only doing it because I made you either," Hermione replied, looking very smug and self-satisfied.

"Maybe you should have been a Slytherin," suggested Harry.

"As Head Girl, I represent all of the Houses. You're just lucky I didn't check Slytherin first. Take Sine to the Ball and make sure she has a good time. If you can manage it, have a good time yourself."

"Are you going to guilt trip me into being her boyfriend next?"

"No, Harry. One evening, that's it. Then you're free. All I ask is that you be gracious about it."

Harry was gracious about it, even extravagant. He went in his formal dress uniform, which he'd had tailored to fit, and made a dashing figure in. He had delivered to her an extravagant arrangement of flowers and escorted her as if she were a member of the royal family. He was absolutely gallant. Hermione wondered if Auror training included a finishing school, because this was most decidedly not typical Harry behavior.

It was a solution of which Harry was especially proud though. He had mostly thought of it himself too, although he had gotten advice and pointers from Sirius. It was a gesture designed to make the receiver feel, for one night, that she was the most important woman in the world, but at the same time it remained formal and impersonal enough that there was no way to confuse it with a gesture of love. Sine was a Ravenclaw and hence, not even remotely stupid. She was flattered though and accepted the gift in the spirit in which it was given.

Harry even managed to have an okay time. It was fun to show off for a change. He would rather it had been Ginny, and from the expression on her face Ginny appeared to be wishing the same thing. He took cold satisfaction from the fact that there was no way that Ginny could dare to approach him this evening and remain in good taste. Let her see how it feels to watch for a change, he thought. He wasn't even snogging and she had a sick look on her face. He should have done this last year.

When the Ball was over, Harry escorted Sine back to Ravenclaw tower. She didn't want to let him go however, and insisted on thanking him over and over for the evening. He insisted that it was no less than she deserved.

"I don't suppose we're going to do this again, are we?" Sine asked.

"I would be misleading you if I said yes," Harry answered, "it was a wonderful evening though."

"Yes, it was and I won't ever forget it. Thank you."

Harry kissed her on the cheek and watched as she disappeared into Ravenclaw Tower. He walked back to his own Tower, feeling a certain amount of satisfaction. He was pretty sure he had done a good thing tonight. He had helped to cheer up a distressed schoolmate, and had done it without creating any emotional conflicts. He had also outsmarted Hermione: he had fulfilled her expectations, without falling prey to her intentions. He was also pretty sure Ginny had been jealous. Hermione and Ron were waiting for him in the Common Room.

"You did pretty good tonight, Harry," Hermione congratulated him, still looking very smug. Just wait, Harry thought to himself.

"Mission accomplished:" he explained, "Sine went to the ball and had a very good time. I went to the Ball with a date. I was even more than gracious about it, and she didn't feel like I was only doing it because I had to. One date, one evening, I'm free."

"So it was all a show then, Harry?" Hermione sounded disappointed.

"Of course it was a show, Hermione. You knew I didn't want to go on a date." It was Harry's turn to look smug.

"It was a very good show though," said Ron, "I almost wished I was a girl."

"Don't worry, mate. Someday your prince will come." Harry said dryly. Ron winced, but he had to admit he'd left himself open for that.

"Maybe it was too good though. Did you ever think of that?" asked Hermione. "Every girl in the school now thinks you're Prince Charming. Do you think they're going to let you skulk in the corners by yourself now?" She looked just as mug as ever.

"She might have you there, Harry. You can always deflect the cute ones to me to handle. I mean, I am your best friend."

"Is that all you think about?" Hermione glared at Ron.

"No," answered Ron, "I think about Quidditch once in a while."

"It doesn't matter; this show was one night only. I'm done." Harry went upstairs and went to bed.

Harry was in fact, extremely popular after that. Many girls were trying to get his attention, but for the most part they were unsuccessful. At first it was because he had no interest and no time, later it was because of Ginny. They did not become a couple again, but she always seemed to be around. She avoided conversation with him, but would talk when pressed. The conversations went no where, but they became less confrontational. By the end of the year, Harry felt they had reached some sort of an agreement, even if he wasn't exactly sure what it was.

On completion of his final term at Hogwarts, and Auror training throughout the year, Harry was promoted to Cadet, First Class and given orders to report back to the Academy in one month. Harry, Ron, and Hermione began searching for a place to live. Everyplace they found was too small, or too remote. They began to contemplate abandoning their plan. Harry had an idea, but he wasn't sure how well it would be received.

He went to visit Hermione at her parent's house. He had only met her parents a couple times in the past, but they always treated him like a long lost relative. He was always embarrassed to be treated so well by strangers. In Hermione's room he got to the point of his visit.

"What do you know about finance, Hermione?" he asked.

Hermione began a lecture about interest rates, thrift savings plans, investments, and summed it up with a "not that much really, why?"

Harry felt she was probably qualified to take over Gringott's. "I brought my bank statements and ledgers. I was hoping you could tell me what kind of financial shape I'm in."

Hermione began going through his statements, and punching numbers into a calculator. "Harry, I think you'd better sit down."

"It can't be that bad can it? I've seen the inside of the Weasley vault, and I have mountains of Galleons compared to them."

"Harry, how can you not know how much money you have?" Hermione was dismayed.

"Well, I sort of know. I do look at the statements, but I don't know how much money is a lot of money."

"Harry, you're loaded. I know your father was an Auror, but he wasn't doing it for the money."

"Loaded enough to buy a house big enough for the three of us to live in?"

"Harry, you could buy an estate."

"Then our problem is solved. We'll just go back to one of those houses we liked and buy it."

"Buying a house is complicated Harry. And besides, Ron and I are not going to sponge off of you. Well, Ron probably would, but I won't allow it."

"So pay me rent, pretend I'm the landlord. I would rather have you guys around than money."

"It would have to be a fair amount…"

"Whatever, it doesn't matter to me as long as you and Ron are around."

"Okay, the house will be yours no matter what. I'll figure up costs and such for maintaining the house and Ron and I will take care of that. We can start looking tomorrow. Ron will be excited."

"We have to hurry though, I have to be back at the academy in just over a week."

"It will take longer than that, a month or two at least, I think. You can designate me to act as your agent, and by the time you finish at the academy, everything should be done, we should be all moved in and everything."

"Fine let's do it. I had Sundays off last summer, so I will probably have at least a little time off now as well. It will be nice to have a place to go for a change. It will be nice to have a home, period."

Since the house would belong to Harry, they insisted that the choice was his. He finally settled on medium sized house in a neighborhood where London began to fade into countryside. The rooms were large and airy, and the house was big enough that they could have privacy when they wanted it, but small enough to remain cozy. Harry designated Hermione as his agent and asked her to see to the furnishings and décor. The major decisions made, Harry returned to the academy.

Assigned to a new class of cadets because of his prolonged schedule, Harry threw himself into his training. This stage of training was spent half in the field with experienced agents and the rest in the classroom. Harry was considered a natural, he reestablished his class ranking, then progressed to number two, and finally to number one. In Mid-January, Harry was advanced to the rank of Auror, having graduated with honors.

During his training, Ginny owled him at least twice a week. They had become increasingly unable to communicate with each other in person, but by letter they were able to communicate quite openly. They still had to avoid the big issues that existed between them, but Harry was beginning to feel like Ginny was a part of his life again.

On completion of his training, he was granted two weeks of leave. For the first time ever, he was able to spend two consecutive nights in his own house. Hermione had done an amazing job having the house decorated, and had to done it as Harry would have chosen instead of what she herself would have wanted. There were touches that were distinctly Hermione though, the most significant of which was library that looked like an extension of the one at Hogwarts.

The weekend in the middle of his two-week leave coincided with one of Hogwarts' Hogsmeade Weekends. By owl, Harry and Ginny had made arrangements to meet. Harry apparated into Hogsmeade with a picnic lunch and spent an entirely pleasant day with her. She openly discussed love, and Harry did the same. Everything seemed to be like it was back in fifth year. They parted with a kiss, and a promise to owl.

Harry returned to the Auror Corps to find out what his first assignment was. It turned out to be Special Operations, which meant another six months of training. It was a very prestigious and coveted assignment. Harry jumped at the chance. This training made everything he'd done previously look like vacation. He completed the training third in his class of forty, and was then assigned to a Team.

Life as an elite Auror was strenuous and made all the more so by ever-increasing threats from Voldemort. The Special Operations command had a plan. Voldemort's Inner Circle had been infiltrated, but the information had to be used very carefully to avoid exposing its source. An elaborate trap was laid for Voldemort and his followers. Harry was the bait for the trap.

Harry began to suspect that his meteoric success had been a sham designed to gain his cooperation in this plan. He had worked hard to get here though, he had beat the competition. He was an Auror, and he believed he was a good one. If they needed him to be the bait, then he would be the bait.

Harry was brought before Lord Voldemort and subjected to the cruciatus. Harry knew ways to deal with the cruciatus. One of Harry's teeth had been replaced with a homing stone. Harry bit down on it and sent up a magical homing beacon that signaled the waiting forces to apparate in immediately. The battle went well for the Aurors - by most accounts it was considered the single greatest victory in the history of Wizardry, or at least in the top three. For Harry Potter it was a day of tragedy.

Sirius Black died. Posthumously, his name was cleared and he was given a burial with honors and presented with the Order of Merlin. Hermione accepted on his behalf. Harry wasn't even able to be there. The battle with Voldemort was his swan song as an Auror. During the battle, three Death Eaters tag-teamed him with a dissolving curse intending to completely dissolve his skeleton and let him die crushed by the weight of his own body. It had almost worked.

A fellow Auror realized what was happening and placed him in stasis field. Harry was evacuated to St. Mungo's for treatment. Every bone from the middle of his torso down had dissolved, including the lower portion of his spine. The Medi-Wizards could restore the bones, but because of the nerve bundles involved, it had to be done very, very slowly. The procedure was designed for arms and legs, not the spine, no one was really sure it was going to work. To make matters worse, the doctors couldn't guarantee the density or longevity of the bones. He had the choice of being assigned to a desk job for the rest of his career or retiring from the Auror Corps.

Harry decided to retire, his career as Auror had consisted of only one mission. He spent his nineteenth birthday in St Mungo's with his vertebrae regenerating. By Halloween, he was learning to walk again and just before Christmas he was released from the hospital. He could lead a normal life, but he couldn't be an Auror, and he was advised to not even think about playing Quidditch. It was unlikely that the procedure could be successfully repeated.

Harry was depressed. Ginny had only been to see him in the hospital a hand full of times, and he wasn't able to send her owls on anything like a regular basis. Mrs. Weasley adamantly insisted that he, Ron and Hermione come to the Burrow for Christmas. Harry agreed. Being at the Burrow brought back memories of happy times. Harry hadn't been here for almost two years, but nothing had changed really. Mrs. Weasley still treated him like he was fourteen and stuffed him full of food at every opportunity.

Harry was sitting outside enjoying the feel of the crisp cold night air. There was a bustle in the house and he heard Ginny calling for her Mum. She was finally home. Harry headed inside to greet her. The living room was empty, so he headed for the kitchen, he could hear her voice

"…proposed and I said yes. I'm getting married!"

The words hit Harry like tiny curses. He suddenly felt the feeling again of having half himself ripped away. She had done it to him again. He had been a fool to think she had changed. Once again she had treated his love like something to be scraped off the bottom of one's shoe. He was leaving here and he wasn't coming back. He knew that if he apparated right now he would splinch himself, so he threw a handful of flue powder into the fire and yelled for home. Once there he locked himself in his room.

In the kitchen of the Burrow, everyone had heard Harry shout as he entered the fire. Ron and Hermione went ghost white and ran to the living room. It was too late - Harry was gone. Ron agreed to go after him and make sure he was okay at home.

"I didn't know he was here," said Ginny, "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter," said Hermione, "he would have found out sooner or later and no matter where he was he wouldn't have taken it well. Somehow Harry was the impression that you two were working things out. He thought you were in love with him again."

"I am not going through all of this again. Harry thinks what Harry wants to think."

Hermione just shook her head.

"Hermione," Ginny called, "I was really hoping you would be my Maid of Honor."

"I'm sorry," Hermione answered. "I'm going to be very busy that night."

It didn't dawn on Ginny that she hadn't even set a date yet. "Tell me when to have it then."

"No matter when you have it, I'll be busy. My best friend is going to be very sick that night and I am not going to leave him alone."

"You've always taken his side in everything. You've always said I was like a sister to you, but you've never supported me. You have always put Harry over me."

"Everyone needs someone in their life who will put their needs above all others. You have a family with parents and six brothers who will do that for you, I presume your new fiancée would do that for you. Right this moment, even Harry would do that for you. But who will do that him? He has no family, you're the only woman he loves, Ron is your brother and it wouldn't be right to make him choose… that leaves only me. "

"You are supposed to be my friend too, Hermione."

"I am your fried Ginny. If you were anything less than a sister to me, I'd be hexing you in to algae right now. Because you are my friend, I'm not even going to question your motives, but I absolutely will not be at or in your wedding. Please don't ask me again. I didn't make this choice, you did. Now, I am going home. Molly, I'll send you an owl tomorrow."

Hermione stepped through the fire into the home she shared with Ron and Harry. Ron was sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea, waiting for her.

"He's sealed himself up in his room tighter than a drum. He must have more wards up than Hogwarts. I tried but, I couldn't even scratch them."

"He learned some pretty good tricks at the Auror Academy. He'll be okay tonight. If he's hasn't come out by this time tomorrow, I have a way in."

Ron raised an eyebrow.

"With Harry, you never know. I figured it couldn't hurt to take a few precautions. He's an Auror, but I'm an Arithmancer. I could never win a duel with him, but when it comes to planning for contingencies, I'll get him every time."

Hermione poured herself a drink, something she almost never did, and sat down across from Ron. "I had words with Ginny right after you left. I know she's you're sister, Ron, and I don't want to put you in a situation where you have to choose between your family and your friends, but I can't be Ginny's friend anymore… I don't even want to see her. Please make sure your Mum and Dad understand that this has nothing to do with them."

"I understand," said Ron, "I'm not so pleased with her myself just now. If I didn't have to go to her bloody wedding, I wouldn't. I have a hard time believing that she isn't doing this to Harry on purpose. She doesn't want to be with him, but she doesn't want to let him go either."

"I don't really believe she wants to hurt him. I understand her motivation I think, but it's just bloody wrong. It was wrong in sixth year, and it's even more wrong now."

"We need to find a way to help Harry. We need to find a way to make him happy, if it's a girlfriend, or a hobby, or whatever, something has to be done."

"I agree, but there's no use bothering until after the wedding though, whatever we do will just get blown away then."

The next day, Hermione used one of her emergency port keys to get Harry out of his room. They forced food into him, and made him get outside for fresh air. Harry seemed to have lost all will. He'd suffered a lot of losses in a very short period of time. He felt betrayed. He had lost his godfather, his career, and his love, and suffered major injuries all in the space of a few months.

Ginny had a short engagement and was married at the beginning of April. Although Hermione didn't approve using alcohol as a therapeutic tool, she made an exception in this case and made sure the bar was fully stocked. Harry was drunk before noon, got sick, sobered up and started all over again. Hermione had locked his broom, his wand, and all the flue powder in the house away. It was horrible to see and she thought that if Harry could see himself as she saw him, perhaps he would calm down, but there was no way to do that.

By evening he was exhausted. His rage had subsided into frustration. Hermione had been watering down his drinks, so he wasn't as drunk as he might've been. Now he wanted to talk.

"You're a smart witch, Hermione. What's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Harry," she insisted. "You are one of the truly great Wizards of this world."

"I'm not. Ginny hates me."

"Ginny doesn't hate you, you know that."

"Do you love me Hermione?"

Hermione paused. That was a question she hadn't expected. "Yes, I love you Harry, but not 'that' way."

"How come you've kissed Ron and you've never kissed me?"

"Do you want me to kiss you, Harry?"

"No, not really. Ginny is married now, what am I going to do? I'm going to be alone forever."

"You have Ron and me, you're not alone."

"But someday you're going to get married and eventually so will Ron, then I'll be alone."

"You will find someone else, sooner or later."

"I don't want anyone else though," Harry through his head into his hands. "I can't believe she's getting married."

"I can't either Harry, I never, ever thought Ginny would do this to you. I am truly, truly sorry that this has happened to you, and I am truly, truly sorry that I got involved with it. I thought if there was one witch who was truly meant for you, and who would never hurt you it would be Ginny."

"I didn't know you were involved."

"Ginny had been hiding her feelings from you forever, I convinced her to confront you. I wish I hadn't. Shyness was nature's way of protecting you from her. I should have let her languish on her own."

"I didn't know, Hermione, but thank you."

"Thank me for being sorry?" Hermione was puzzled.

"No, thank you for pushing Ginny."

"How can you thank me for that, Harry? That girl has wrecked your life."

"Yeah, but for almost a year and a half, I was in love. I would go through all of this again to have that feeling. If you hadn't talked to her, I wouldn't have had that."

"Harry, I want you to promise me you'll try to find someone else."

"There is no one else for me, Hermione."

"There is someone, and I want you to look until you find her. I'll help you if you need it."

"I can't do it, Hermione. It wouldn't be fair to me or whoever I went out with or…"

"Ginny – that's what you were going to say isn't it? Harry, Ginny doesn't care what you do. I want you to be happy Harry, and to do that you have to move on. You're going to have to start dating, in groups if nothing else. I want you to promise me you're not going to sit here in this house and mope."

"I don't know anyone, you're the only girl I know and you don't seem very interested either."

"Go out and mingle, you are Harry Potter, the girls will find you."

"Oh, that's just great. I could resurrect the Harry Potter Fan Club. They would be dating my scar, not me. I will not do that."

"You don't have to marry them Harry, just go out with them. Remember Sine? You actually enjoyed yourself with her. You told me so. Do that if you have to, she adored you for what you did. Meet some girls, Harry, make some friends. It will do you good."

"I did a good thing with Sine, right? She didn't get hurt did she?"

"She loved it, Harry. She told me so herself."

"I guess I could do that again, once in a while."

"Once a week, Harry, promise me."

"That's too much, once a month."

"Every two weeks, and Ron and I will go with you."

"Deal."

"I'm going to hold you to this, Harry. I don't care if I have to hunt down Millicent Bulstrode, you're going out."

"Ack! Nope, sorry, I'm drawing the line there." Harry laughed.

If Harry was laughing, the danger was passed. Hermione poured a drink for herself. She felt as if she had earned it. Harry actually seemed in a good mood.

Harry more or less kept his promise. He went out, but only when a date was arranged for him. He was friendly, and personable but only rarely showed any in personal interest in his dates, neither did he ever ask any of them on a second date. Once again he thought he was outsmarting Hermione and that seemed to be worth more to him that any date. Hermione was determined to out maneuver him, but it was Ron who came up with the winning idea.

Hermione refused to tell him what his date's name was before they arrived at the nightclub they were supposed to meet. Sitting at the table waiting for him was Sine. When she saw him, she instantly ran up, put her arms around him, and kissed him on the cheek. Harry shot daggers at Hermione. Sine didn't care and kept him dancing all night long. She had dreamed of being able to go out with him again, and just couldn't believe he didn't have a girlfriend.

At the end of the evening, she looked up at Harry with big brown eyes full of hope and asked, "So Harry, when can we do this again?" Ron, Hermione, and their dates were all staring at him. He was trapped – he had to ask her out or be a jerk. He asked her to go out with him the next weekend, kissed her on the cheek, then apparated home.

Harry asked her on two more dates. On their fourth date, Sine tried to kiss him, and was completely unprepared for Harry's refusal. She was growing on Harry, but he wasn't ready to kiss anyone yet. Sine either didn't believe him or wasn't prepared to wait, she left. Harry had liked her company, but made no effort to convince her to stay. Sine had taught him something about himself though, he was lonely.

Ron was working at the ministry and had a series of girlfriends. Hermione was dating a guy from Cambridge named Peter Smith. Most of his time he was alone and it was eating at him. He stopped trying to fight Hermione's efforts to match him up. Sooner or later they tried to kiss him though, and that always brought things to a screeching halt. Any guy with too many hang-ups for a kiss had too many hang-ups to date.

Harry was as frustrated as his dates. He was stuck, and he didn't know how to get out. For almost two years, his record of four dates had not been broken. He needed help. He needed Ginny. He didn't know how to get either one. He started drinking more.

One Saturday afternoon the doorbell rang. Harry hadn't even known they had a doorbell, everyone they knew was a Wizard and either apparated or used the flue. Curious, he opened the door and stood face to face with Ginny. His heart stopped. He hadn't seen her for more than two and a half years. She had matured, and he had to admit it looked good on her. She looked at him expectantly, obviously wanting to be invited in. Harry didn't budge.

"What do you want, Ginny?"

"I came to see you, Harry. I wanted to talk to you."

"Why Ginny? Afraid I'm not meeting my pain quota? Come to stir up the pot a little? At least Voldemort had the decency to try and kill me."

"I never wanted to hurt you, Harry. I love you"

"You are surprisingly proficient at it for something you don't want to do. If this is how you love people, I'd hate to see what you do to the people you hate. Your love is killing me Ginny, so please stop."

"Is that what you want, Harry? You want me to stop loving you?"

"Since when did you ever care what I wanted? Do you want to know what I want? I want to love somebody who loves me back. I want to love someone who actually wants to spend their life with me. I want to love someone who wants to marry me instead of somebody else, I want to be able to go on more than four dates with a girl, I want to be able to kiss a girl without feeling like I'm betraying someone. I want to get on with my fucking life. When you put everything together Ginny, it appears the one thing I don't want is you!"

Harry couldn't believe he had actually said those words. He felt like he had just climbed to the top of a mountain. He felt a hundred pounds lighter. Ginny started crying. Harry resisted the urge to comfort her.

"What happened to eternal love and soul mates?" Ginny asked bitterly.

"I could ask you the same thing. You know that feeling you have right now? I've had it for going on six bloody years. I have bled with love for you, Ginny; your love has scarred my soul. Go home to your husband, Ginny. I'm not going to let you wreck my life anymore."

"We're not done, you and I," Ginny said, "This isn't the end and you know it. You're only postponing the inevitable."

"Maybe," said Harry, but then stepped back inside and shut the door. Hermione was standing there watching him. He walked past her to the liquor cabinet, took out a bottle of expensive Vodka, then went up to his room and shut the door.

Hermione wanted to cheer. Harry had stood up to Ginny and told her to go away. He actually wanted to move on now. Part of her felt pity for Ginny, but really she had earned every one of them. Ginny had always been capable of finding happiness, now maybe Harry would to.

Harry sat in his room tossing back Vodka. As a way to keep his mind busy, he had calculated the exact amount of alcohol it would take to get him to the comfort zone he was after. He drank exactly that amount, then another shot just to make sure. Then he sat back and waited for the effects to kick in. The reality of what he had done began to sink in.

Suddenly his room seemed to confining. He threw on a fresh robe and went downstairs. "I'm going out," he yelled. He stepped into the flue of his house and out of the flue of the Leaky Cauldron. Tom waved and greeted him, but Harry's mood was too bleak for the Cauldron. He headed back to the courtyard and through the hidden gateway into Diagon Alley. Once through, he paused. No matter how many times he came here, he still felt a little of the amazement he felt that first time when he was eleven following along in Hagrid's shadow

His destination today however, was not to be found on Diagon Alley. Instead, he took a sharp right turn into the shadows of Knockturn Alley.

"Damn Ginny!" Harry mumbled to himself. She was still doing it to him, no matter what fine speeches he made. He didn't feel any more in control of his life than he ever had.

It wasn't even dinner yet and he was already drinking. This bar was quiet and its location made it seem unlikely he would encounter any one he knew here. Someone sat down beside him and he chose to actively ignore their presence for as long as possible.

"You're the last person I ever expected to find drinking in a dive on Knockturn Alley. I always pictured you as the champagne and caviar type."

Harry turned and instantly recognized the source of the comment. "It seemed less likely that I would be disturbed here. I guess I was wrong."

"Lighten up, Harry. No one here gives a damn. I recognized an old friend and thought I'd say hello."

"I never liked you," said Harry bluntly. He suddenly realized that the alcohol had hit harder than he'd expected.

"No surprise there, I am Lavender Brown, Whore of Gryffindor after all, and you are Harry Potter, Auror and Superhero."

Harry winced. "I'm sorry, really. Let me buy you a drink."

"Make it two, and you've got a deal."

Harry nodded and summoned the bartender over to serve Lavender. "I never thought of you that way," he said.

"Harry, don't try to be noble about it, I wasn't accusing you of anything. You never thought of me at all, and don't try to tell me different."

"Well, I never defended your reputation either, when I heard others called you that."

Lavender laughed loudly. "That's funny. I just had a mental picture of you in your dress uniform, trying to defend my honor."

"I was serious."

"I know you were, Harry. That's what makes it so funny. It would never occur to you that I earned my reputation."

It took Harry a few seconds to realize what she was saying. "Oh," he said with wide eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I'm not. I made my choices, and honestly, I don't have any regrets." Harry sat quietly and continued drinking. Lavender finished her drink and Harry called the bartender back over for another round. "So aren't you going to ask?" Lavender wondered.

"Ask what?"

"Usually at this point in the conversation, I get asked how many, or if I did it with so and so, or something along those lines."

"None of my business really."

"Aren't you at least curious? I'm used to it, you know"

"Maybe a little, Ok how about Seamus?

"Sixth year"

"Really? He claimed he did it in fourth year. Lying git"

"Men always lie about sex," said Lavender, "it's a basic law of nature. So who else?"

"I don't really care," said Harry, "It's the past."

"Then I get to ask you questions now," insisted Lavender, "Why is Harry Potter drinking alone in a bar on Knockturn Alley?"

"I'm not drinking alone, am I? You're here."

"OK, you and Hermione – you ever do it?"

Harry nearly choked on his drink. "No," he answered emphatically.

"Really? You're not putting me on are you? I would have bet money on you two."

"You would have lost. Hermione and I are just friends, no kissing, no holding hands, just friends."

"Wow, that's unbelievable. How about you and that Ravenclaw girl in seventh-year?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope"

"For a superhero, you didn't see much action."

"I'm not a superhero."

"You're probably the only one who believes that," Lavender snorted. The bartender brought them another round. "You only owed me two drinks," Lavender said.

"So keep me company."

"Okay, I'm actually enjoying this. Your turn to ask a question."

"You and Ron?"

"Fifth year, you must have already known that though."

"Ron and I almost never talked about sex."

"I guess not considering you and Ginny were together."

At the mention of Ginny, Harry went quiet and finished off his drink in one gulp. Lavender was worried that he might leave, so she summoned the bartender over for another round. "This one's on me."

Harry nursed his new drink but looked anxious. Lavender watched him intently for a while, then leaned in and kissed him. Harry didn't refuse the kiss, but put nothing at all into it. Lavender pulled back with a look of distaste. "Jeez, Harry, that was horrible. It's a wonder anyone kisses you at all."

"Who says they do? My life is surprisingly devoid of kissing."

"I used to see you in the Common Room, did you forget how?"

"I don't think so, It just never felt right after Ginny."

"That's pathetic, Harry. You don't expect me to believe you haven't really kissed a girl since you broke up with Ginny, do you?"

Harry shrugged. "Believe what you want, it doesn't really matter."

Lavender leaned in and kissed him again. "Do it right this time." For reasons he didn't fully understand, he obeyed. It had been three years since he had last kissed Ginny and he was surprised he remembered how. He did remember, though, and he kissed her fervently, if not passionately. Lavender was warm and receiving, and returned his kiss actively.

They broke away and Harry ordered more drinks. He was shocked at himself; he had kissed a girl who wasn't Ginny. It wasn't the same as kissing Ginny, there was no fire, but it wasn't an unpleasant experience either. He was unsure how he felt about it. Part of him felt ashamed that he had been weak but, another part of him wanted to do it again. He was betraying Ginny, but Ginny had repeatedly rejected him. It bothered him, but he didn't want to think about it. He was just tired of thinking about it.

"That was how I imagined Harry Potter would kiss," she said. "If you weren't so bloody noble, you'd be dangerous."

Harry tentatively leaned in for another kiss. Lavender met him halfway. They kissed for a long time. Lavender did not make him stop; no matter how far he pushed she matched him. It was a different experience for him. With Ginny, there had always been boundaries, lines that were not to be crossed. Harry nudged past those lines and met no resistance. It was frightening. He had to stop.

Lavender let him catch his breath and then pressed at him again. Harry went along with her, but stayed on the comfortable side of the line. Lavender took the hint and eased off. "Let's go somewhere else," she suggested.

Harry was agreeable, but was pretty sure he was past the point of being able to apparate. "Where do you want to go?"

"Your place… my place… wherever you want. It doesn't matter."

"My place I guess. I have a fully stocked bar, and I'm pretty sure everyone will be out." Home seemed like a very good place to be now. The effects of alcohol were reaching their peak, and he felt the need for familiar surroundings. Lavender was amiable and followed him through the flue and into his Living Room.

When they arrived, the house was dim and quiet, a sure sign that Ron wasn't home. The library was dark, which meant Hermione wasn't home either. Lavender cautiously followed behind him.

"This is your house, Harry? I didn't think Aurors were that well paid. Very nice, decorated even. I didn't think you had it in you."

"My house, I share it with Ron and Hermione. Hermione had it decorated."

"I didn't think she had it in her either," Lavender giggled.

Harry laughed. "Hermione knows how to do everything. You want a drink? Something to eat?"

Lavender shook her head. "A drink would be nice." A few minutes later Harry brought her a drink. She took a sip then kissed him. Harry hesitated at first and then kissed her back. "How about you show me the rest of the house? If it's all the same, I'd rather not have the brilliant Hermione Granger crashing our party."

Harry grabbed the bottle of Vodka and led her upstairs to his room. Harry's room was rather sparse. He had a bed, a dresser, a desk and a small sofa. The only signs that this was Harry's room were the clutter on the desk and the pictures on the dresser. Harry plopped unceremoniously down on the sofa, and refilled his drink.

Lavender sat beside him and took the drink out of his hand. She pushed her self against him and kissed him hard. Harry kissed her back. Lavender pulled back and began kissing his neck and nuzzling at his ears. Harry had always been amazingly sensitive in this area, and the effect was extremely not unpleasant. Lavender worked her way down Harry's neck and began tugging at the fastenings of his robe.

This was new territory for Harry. He stiffened and sat up, feeling amazingly sober all of the sudden. Lavender looked puzzled. "Come on, Harry. What did you think we were going to do up here?" Harry didn't answer. "If you haven't really kissed any one for years, how long has it been since you had a decent shagging?"

Harry redid his robe fastenings, and slammed his drink. He poured himself another, and started draining it. He remained silent, studying the finer details of his hands.

"Un-freaking-believable," muttered Lavender, "You and Ginny never…?"

Harry shook his head.

"And you've barely even kissed anyone else before tonight?"

Again, Harry shook his head.

Lavender was speechless. It was simply inconceivable. He was Harry Potter though, what was inconceivable for others was just everyday normal for him. Someday she was going to have a long chat with Ginny Weasley-Whatever-her-name-was-now and find out exactly what made that girl tick. Then she was going to have the same conversation with Hermione Granger. It did explain a lot of things.

"I had no idea, Harry. I just assumed."

"Not your fault," Harry mumbled.

"I can fix it though," Lavender said softly, "If you want…"

Harry sighed. "I don't think I can."

"You can, Harry. Trust me, you can."

Lavender pulled him to his feet and cradled his head in her hands. She kissed him gently, and then returned to his robe fastenings. With a whisper, it fell to the floor. She then led him to sit on the side of the bed. He watched fascinated as she unfastened her own robe and it joined his on the floor. She did not hide from him, instead brought herself closer and brought his hands to her breasts.

Harry was awestruck. Why was Lavender doing this for him? He was anxious and nervous, and deathly afraid he was going to do something stupid that would make her want to leave. He only knew what he was doing in the barest and most mechanical of ways. He knew that most of what he heard from other guys was pure fabrication, but he didn't know which parts were truths and which just talk.

Harry's touch was gentle and tenuous, pretty much as she had expected it to be. Lavender fought the urge she had developed in the past few years to categorize men. For some reason, she wanted to experience Harry as Harry, and not as some archetype. He was afraid, she would comfort him; he felt weak, she would show him that he was strong. Harry brought out a side of her that she had almost forgotten was there.

There was far more to this than Harry had ever imagined. He tried to pay attention to as many details as possible, the touch of skin to skin, the soft caress of hair, the feeling of utter closeness. He knew he should be worrying about whether or not Lavender's experience was equally fulfilling, but there were too many new sensations to keep track of, and the intensity overwhelmed him. Still, He was incapable of resisting it, it pulled at him mercilessly until he surrendered. The moment passed all too soon. It was over; he collapsed into Lavenders arms and held her.

Lavender caressed the lines of Harry's face. She could tell that he would be a kind and caring lover when he came into his own. She wondered how long he would let her stay, and if it would be long enough for her to see him mature. Lavender rarely allowed herself to think such thoughts, rarely even felt compelled to think them. Despite Harry's inexperience, she had felt something tonight, something she hadn't felt for a long time. She felt special.

"Do you hate me?" Harry asked suddenly.

Lavender had thought he was asleep. "Why would I hate you, Harry?"

"Because I was weak, I gave in too easy; because I couldn't give you the same satisfaction you gave me."

"You're too hard on yourself, Harry, superhero or not, you're only human. You did fine, and next time you'll do even better."

"Does it bother you that I don't love you?"

Lavender shook her head. "I don't love you either. Does that bother you?"

"Not as much as I thought it would."

"I'm not offering you love, Harry. I'm not even sure I know what love is. All I am offering is this." She pulled her blanket away, "what you see is what you get, that's it – well, my sparkling personality comes along with it." She smiled at him.

"You mean you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend, lover, concubine, whatever you want to call it – subject to a few restrictions."

"What kind of restrictions?"

"First, that you in no way confuse this with love. I don't love you, and I don't want to love you. I don't want you to love me. Second, when one of us decides it's over, then it's over. Third, neither of us owns the other. We are free to come and go as we choose without explanation. I will promise you that as long as we're together, you will be the only one I am with. If either of us decides we need to be with someone else, that's it. Fourth, we'll be honest with each other, but we'll respect each other's privacy. If a question asked, no answer is required unless it involves one of the other rules. Can you live with this?"

"What happens if I accidentally screw one up?"

"You 'fess up, and then we decide how important it is."

"And what do you want from me?"

"Exactly what I'm giving you: Company, Companionship, a chance to be a human being"

Harry thought for a few minutes. "I've been told I can be a real pain in the arse to be around."

"You'll have to live with the knowledge that I've been with most of the guys you know."

"I think you're getting the short end of this deal," said Harry.

"I'll let you know if I want to renegotiate." She gave him a kiss, and then rolled on top of him.

…

Hermione came in from an evening with friends and made a quick check to see if anyone was around. Harry had obviously already come home, because the liquor cabinet was open. She closed it and heard female laughter coming from upstairs. Ron must have found a live one tonight. Harry had probably just barricaded himself in his room again. She would check on him tomorrow. She went to the library and settled down to her current research project.

A couple hours later, she heard the sound of someone coming though the flue. She went out to see who it was she was surprised to see Ron, obviously having just returned in from an evening out. Coming from upstairs was a rhythm that could only be one thing.

"Oh, it's you," Ron said with a surprised look on his face. He gestured upstairs. "I thought that was you."

Hermione looked indignant. "I put up silencing charms, to avoid such conjecture. I thought it was you getting lucky."

Suddenly, they turned to each other in shock. "Harry?" they said in unison.

"I didn't think he…" muttered Ron in disbelief.

"He doesn't, or he hasn't, or at least he hadn't, the last I knew. All the women I've set him up with have said he was the first frigid male they ever met. I was starting to give up hope. I'm out of women to fix him up with."

"The question is," said Ron, "Who is it? You don't think it's Ginny do you?"

"Great Merlin's Ghost! I hadn't thought of that… What if it is? I don't think it is, I heard her laugh earlier and it didn't sound like Ginny. I thought it was someone with you though, so Ginny wasn't someone who would have come to mind"

"If Ginny leaves him again, it will kill him. Who else could it be though? Harry isn't exactly Mr. Charm."

"Neither are you, but you still have a social life," Hermione jibed.

Ron glared at her. "Harry tries not to have a social life though. Whoever it is, she's on my 'A-list', unless it's Ginny of course."

"And if it is Ginny?"

"Then I'm going to strangle her."

The next morning Harry woke up to an excruciating headache. He sat up slowly to keep from angering the herd of cattle that was stomping across his head calm. Carefully he went to his robe and fished his wand out of its pocket.

"Accio Water" A pitcher of chilled water appeared several seconds later on the desk beside him. He downed three glasses quickly to re-hydrate himself, poured another glass and then went back and laid down next to Lavender. Lying on his side he admired her sleeping form. She was really quite beautiful. He felt a conflict of emotions over the past night's events.

Was he doing the right thing? Was it immoral to sleep with Lavender or take her up on her deal? Did this mean he was finally over Ginny? The truth was, he did feel better. If he were given the choice it would be Ginny here beside him. He didn't have that choice though. Ginny claimed she loved him and had consistently and viciously hurt him. Lavender vehemently denied love, but gave more of herself than Ginny ever had, just to make him happy. It just didn't make sense.

He pulled the blankets up over her shoulders and allowed himself to relax. The world had always confounded him, now more so than ever. For years, he had stood fast to the idea that his love for Ginny was supreme, that whatever made her want to go away could be solved if he just loved her a little bit more. Something had happened to him though, something had broke – maybe the pain he felt had finally built up until it superceded the love. Maybe that was the true quantitative measure of love.

Lavender woke feeling warm and cozy, if not a little worse for the alcohol. Harry was sleeping, or lying quietly. She nuzzled up against him, and he put an arm around her. Normally she would be getting up now, putting on her clothes and making some vague promise to owl, or do it again. Yet, here she was staying and she didn't really know why. She didn't know why she had made a deal with Harry.

Harry was different. That was an understatement – everyone knew Harry was different. Harry was even different from what you thought of as Harry. Harry made her feel differently about herself. In seven years at Hogwarts she had never really known him. They were in the same House and the same year and had all the same classes together, but he was a stranger to her. Harry was the wonder kid; he was an Auror before he'd even finished Hogwarts; he was the only living TriWizard Champion; he had faced Voldemort at least three times that she knew of, but here he was afraid and lonely and hurt. She didn't understand how it could be so, that Harry could be so isolated, but it was.

"Are you having regrets? Do you want to back out of our deal?" she asked.

He pulled her tight. "No, just confused and a little hung over. You want to back out?"

She kissed him on the chest, then rested her head there, "Nope"

Harry sat up suddenly and wished he hadn't. "I wasn't thinking," he said, "Do you want some water?" He summoned the pitcher of water and another glass. He poured her some and watched as she drank it.

"Thanks," she said, "That was really good."

"What do you want to do today?"

It was Sunday, usually her day for puttering around the house. It was the day she gave herself, alone or sometimes with very close friends; it wasn't a day she was used to sharing. She shrugged, "I don't know. Usually I soak for a few hours in the tub, have lunch with Parvati. What do you want to do?"

"I hardly ever do anything unless Ron or Hermione make me. I want to do something today though."

"That would be nice, I think, to do something or go somewhere. Whatever you want to do?"

"Let's go to the zoo. I went there once when I was a kid, it's one of the few places I remember enjoying. We'll have to go as Muggles."

"Sounds interesting, I've never been to a Muggle zoo. I have to go home and get some clothes; we could meet somewhere, then go."

"I guess the Cauldron would be the best place to meet. We can take a taxi over from there." He then paused and there was a heavy silence. Lavender became very self-conscious, not knowing what had ended their talk. After several minutes he spoke again. "I was wondering…" He was obviously nervous. "I was wondering if maybe we could do that again?"

Lavender smiled and pulled back the covers she had wrapped around her in answer.

Sometime later, scrubbed clean and dressed sharply in gray trousers and a crisp white shirt, Harry came downstairs looking for something to eat. Hangover notwithstanding, he felt better than he had in years. In the kitchen, Ron and Hermione were sitting at the table drinking tea. Harry summoned eggs and bacon from the fridge, and performed the necessary charms to get them cooking. Ron and Hermione stared at him, waiting for him to say something. Harry ignored them until his breakfast was ready, then sat down with and started eating.

"Well?" said Ron.

"You don't really think you're going to get by without telling us do you?" asked Hermione.

Harry continued eating for a bit. "What do you want to know?"

"Well, everything…. mostly, who was she? Please tell me that wasn't Ginny you were making the two-backed beast with…"

Harry scowled. "It wasn't Ginny. It was Lavender if you absolutely have to know."

Ron had just taken a bite from a biscuit, which suddenly erupted in a cloud of crumbs. Hermione dropped her teacup. "Lavender Brown?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, Lavender Brown. She's very nice and I'm going down to London to see her this afternoon. I really don't understand why you're so shocked, you least of all, Ron."

Ron went scarlet. "You're right, Harry. I'm sorry. It's just that I never really pictured her as your type, and well, she's been…around"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We talked about it."

"Harry," said Hermione quietly, "you know she just uses men don't you? She doesn't care about you, not really. She was my roommate for seven years at Hogwarts and I know her much better than I want to. If you're going to see her this afternoon, it's probably so she can tell you she doesn't want to see you again."

"We talked about this, okay. We have an understanding; I know exactly what Lavender wants, okay? I'm not in love with Lavender. I'm just going out with her, not marrying her – that's basically what you've been telling me to do. You guys can boink who ever you want without a commitment, why can't I?"

"It just doesn't seem like you, that's all, Harry" insisted Ron.

"Why Lavender?" Hermione was still in shock, "I never even thought you liked her. "

"Why not Lavender? I never knew anything about her except that she dated a lot and what you told me about her, Hermione. I'm twenty-two years old, and last night I had sex for the first time, doesn't that seem strange to you? That's at least six years after Ron. I must have dated at least thirty women since I left Hogwarts, and not one of them ever did what Lavender did."

"You fought all of those women you dated Harry. Some of them really liked you and wanted to be with you. You can't blame them.

"I'm not blaming them, but I stopped fighting them when I went out with Sine. I had issues I needed to work through and not a single one of them was interested in helping me work through them. As soon as they found out I couldn't or wouldn't give them intimacy, they left. Lavender pushed harder. Maybe it's just because I was ready for it, maybe not, but she is the first woman who ever wouldn't let me pull away, and she's the first woman who ever told me what the rules were.

"Maybe Lavender has slept with half the men in the UK; I don't really care. When she saw I needed something, she gave it to me. I don't know why she bothered, but she did and all she wants in return is to be my friend. Ginny-fucking-Weasley could do well with lessons from her. If all Lavender wants is friendship, then I'm going to be her friend.

"I was hoping to have her over for dinner tonight with you guys, since you're the only family I have. If either of you have a problem, I promise I won't bring here anymore. I will continue to see her though, If I have to, I'll find another place to live."

"Harry, this is your house, you can't go live somewhere else because we don't like your girlfriend."

"So you don't like her…"

"That's not what she meant, Harry. Listen to me, if you want to date Lavender Brown and she wants to date you, then that is exactly what we want you to do. You came down this morning with a smile on your face, if Lavender is what it takes to make you smile, then please, bring her to dinner and I'll be here. I'll buy the wine even."

"I'll cook the dinner if I have to," said Hermione.

"He wants her to come back, Hermione. Your cooking would scare her away for good."

"I'll do the cooking," said Harry, "You two have problems boiling water. Tonight then, at seven."

Harry met Lavender at the Leaky Cauldron and led her out into Muggle London. Like most witches, Lavender had spent most of her life in the world of magic. The world of Muggles was strange and fascinating to her, and she admired the deftness with which Harry made the transition between the two worlds.

Harry led her around the zoo and took great pleasure in seeing the animals. Lavender didn't understand why, they mostly just laid about, but there was something fascinating about a happy Harry. Harry took her to the reptile house last and told her the story of his first visit there when he was only ten years old. To Harry, it was a happy story, but she found it rather sad.

At a concession stand, they stopped and had an ice cream. Harry told her the story of how he had finally gotten his Hogwarts letter and discovered that he was a wizard. The idea of Hagrid giving his cousin a pig's tail was really funny, at least, but there was that same background of sadness. As Harry continued to tell her stories, she realized that there was no part of his life that was not drenched through with loss and sorrow. Somehow, in spite of all that, he had always been a symbol of hope.

"You look sad, Lavender."

"No, not at all," Lavender replied, "actually, I'm feeling amazingly content just now. Do you think we could go see the elephants again? I rather like those fellows."

"Sure," Harry answered, "I was hoping you would come to my house for dinner tonight. Ron and Hermione will be there, I'm going to cook, and I thought it would be nice for them to see you again, and you to see them. "

"You can cook?"

"Oh yes, I started cooking at an early age for the Dursleys. Now that I can cook what I want and eat it myself, I actually enjoy it. If I didn't cook, Ron and Hermione would probably never eat a real meal."

"It's tempting Harry, but I don't think they're going to like me being there very much. Hermione hates me, and Ron…well you know he and I…very few guys like to see some one they used to be with be with someone else.

"I already told them you were coming, and I'll admit they were surprised, but they think it's great now. "

"It sounds rather awkward."

"It would really mean a lot to me if the three of you could get along. If you try this one time and you don't like it for any reason at all, I won't ask again."

"I'll come, Harry. I think you're the first guy who ever offered to cook for me. How can I pass that up?"

Inwardly, Lavender was dreading the idea. For seven years Hermione had treated Lavender with something along the lines of contempt. It hadn't been a mean, hostile sort of contempt, but that made it worse. Hermione had treated Lavender as an inferior, and return Lavender had treated Hermione as…? A pariah? A goody two shoes? Definitely something less than female. Now they were going to have to find a way not only to be civil, but to be friends.

Why was she even doing this? This was Harry's equivalent to taking her home to meet the family, and that was definitely outside the spirit of their arrangement. She should put a stop to this now she though, but she also knew she wasn't going to. She wanted to watch Harry cook for her, she wanted him to bring her into his home and show her off to his friends. She wanted Harry to break their agreement, and truthfully she had been half-afraid he wouldn't, that somehow she was going to discover he was just like everyone else. Harry made her feel, and for all the companionship she'd had, feeling was something she'd done precious little of.

Harry was going to break her heart. She knew it already. Harry was too good for her, and one day he was going to realize it and drop her like a Blast-Ended Skrewt. She could stop it, it wasn't too late yet, but again, she knew she wasn't going to. A long time ago, Lavender had sworn that no man would ever touch her heart, but now she was throwing it in front of Harry to use as carpet. But why?

Harry brought her to see the elephants again and they watched for a bit as the huge creatures fed on hay and swatted flies. He put his arms around her while they watched. After they had seen enough, he bought her a stuffed elephant. They slipped into a discreet corner then apparated to Harry's house.

Hermione and Ron greeted them warmly. Lavender still felt uncomfortable being in Hermione's home, even if it was Harry's home too. Harry busied himself with preparing dinner. Lavender offered to help, but he refused and told her to relax. Ron poured everyone a glass of wine and Hermione invited her to the library and she felt unable to refuse.

The library was definitely Hermione's domain. Hermione gestured for Lavender to have a seat, and then sat down herself a few feet away. The whole thing seemed like it was calculated to put her at a disadvantage. Hermione seemed pensive, like she was trying to say something but couldn't. Finally she erupted. "I never really liked you in school."

So that's how this was going to go. "Funny, Harry said the same thing yesterday when I first ran into him."

"That wasn't exactly what I wanted to say," Hermione looked somewhat contrite. "I know we were never friends, and there were generally bad feelings between us at Hogwarts, so I want to apologize. I'll understand if you don't want to be my friend, but I want for us to get along, for Harry's sake if nothing else."

"Apology accepted. I am sorry as well. I wasn't exactly pleasant towards you either. If you think it is possible for us to be friends, I am willing to try – for Harry's sake, if nothing else. I've always been secretly proud of the fact that I was roommates with the smartest witch to ever grace Hogwarts."

Hermione blushed a bit. "Thank you, I always admired your self confidence; I always thought you must have been the bravest witch in Hogwarts." She paused for a bit, and then continued "Can I ask you a blunt question?" Lavender nodded So she went on, "What are your intentions with Harry?"

Lavender thought for a minute about her answer. There was the truth, which she could not yet admit to herself, there was the standard answer, then there was a mixture of the two, which was what Lavender was telling herself right now. She would try that story to see if Hermione believed it anymore than she did. "I'm going to shag the stuffing out of him," she said bluntly. "The way I see it, the world owes Harry six years worth of back shagging and I'm just the witch to give it to him. I am going to make Harry into the perfect lover, I'm going to make him believe that he's been sent by the gods to grant women his company, then I am going to set him free."

Hermione erupted with laughter. "Okay, sorry I asked. I just don't want him to get hurt again. Ginny has trampled on him for so long, he thinks it's normal. The most important thing is for Harry to be happy."

"I have done a lot of thing in my life that are considered bad or immoral, but one thing I have never done is break another person's heart. I never promised anyone anything I didn't have intentions of delivering. Since you asked me, can I ask you a blunt question in return?"

Hermione agreed. What could Lavender possibly want to ask her?

"You obviously love Harry, why didn't you ever give him what he needed? You could have ended his pain at any time. Why did you let it keep going on?"

The smile dropped from Hermione's face. She wanted to be angry at Lavender. Who was Lavender Brown to ask such a question of her? She pointed her finger at Lavender, but was unable to speak even though she attempted to do so several times. That was not a question to ask a casual friend; that was a question that she wouldn't even ask herself, let alone answer. If she were in Lavender's place, it's the question she would ask. Lavender was deeper than she let on, and she cared more about Harry than she was willing to admit.

"It's okay, you don't have to answer. You have done more for Harry than anyone else. I was out of line for asking."

Hermione understood now where Lavender was coming from. "I'll answer on the condition that this remains strictly between us… between friends."

"Okay…between friends, I give you my word."

"At the root of things, I am no better than Ginny. I am afraid of the same thing Ginny is. Harry doesn't do things halfway, love least of all. When Harry loves you, he loves you with every cell of his body. Harry's love is overwhelming. To love Harry the way that Harry needs to be loved you have to love him back the same way. I can't do that. I would be lost. To save Harry, I would've had to give up myself. I couldn't do it. My atonement has been to stay with Harry and watch him go through the suffering that I was too weak to end. The only thing that makes me different from Ginny is that I never gave him the illusion that I could love him."

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I came in here prepared to hex you into a toad for being an unfeeling bitch. I was wrong about you and I am sorry. You are nothing like Ginny, Harry would tell you the same thing if he knew."

"Thanks, Lavender. If you ever need to talk about your real intentions, I'll be here."

"What makes you think I don't plan on giving him six years worth of back shagging?"

"I don't doubt that for a second, Lavender. You figured out my secret and I'm quite sure I've figured out yours. The way I figure it, your secret is a lot newer than mine so you are probably still getting used to it, and I'm feeling too generous to push the matter. As your friend I would love to hear about it though."

"Fair enough, assuming I have a secret, when I can tell myself, and maybe when I've told Harry, I'll come talk to you about it."

For dinner, Harry made veal, pasta, and an assortment of fresh vegetables. It wasn't high cuisine, but it beat fish and chips down at the corner stand by a long mile. The four of them had a happy, talkative meal. They caught up on gossip about old friends and all the changes since they had left Hogwarts. Whatever tension had been there when she arrived had dissipated. She had a good evening. After two hours of dinner, Ron and Hermione offered to clean up so Harry and Lavender went upstairs.

Afraid that Harry might want to talk more, Lavender immediately gave him something else to occupy his mind with. Neither Harry nor she needed emotions just yet. She threw herself into their lovemaking and clung to it by force of will. Harry was passionate, he had good instincts for this and he was learning quickly. She would nudge him here, tug him there, on a purely physical level he knew what she was doing. He took her hints, assimilated the knowledge and made it his own. She doubted he was mentally aware of what was going on.

In drowsy afterglow they lay, Lavender resting on his chest, admiring the lines of his legs, Harry ran his finger through her hair. For Lavender this was more intimate than the acts that had preceded it. These were the moments that she denied herself; these were the moments that would scar her. All of her conditioning told her to get up and leave, but she was starting to enjoy hanging from the side of the cliff. She would have to go soon enough anyway.

"I have to work tomorrow. I may not be back until Friday."

Harry sat up with a concerned look on his face. "Why not until Friday?"

"Because," Lavender answered, "If I stay here I won't get any rest, and I like my job."

"You could come for a bit in the evening, then leave early."

"We'll see Harry, no promises except that it'll be no later than Friday evening. I was planning to on Holiday with Parvati soon, perhaps you could come along or maybe, if Parvati doesn't mind, we could go somewhere together."

"I would like that, I'll take you anywhere you want to go – Tahiti, New York, Paris, you name it."

"I was thinking more along the lines of Brighton."

"You're choice," said Harry.

"Maybe next weekend you, me, and Parvati could have lunch together, and you could come see where I live."

"That would be great. Parvati doesn't hate me does she? I was kind of a prat in fourth year at the Yule Ball."

"Hate is probably a little strong, but you should probably memorize some protection charms and keep your wand at the ready... Of course she doesn't hate you."

Lavender stayed away until Tuesday. She stepped though the fire into Harry's living room that evening to find Harry and Ron staring intently at a chessboard.

"I can't believe you two still spend your time doing that."

"It's therapeutic" protested Ron.

"Except when I win," countered Harry standing up and headed over to greet her.

"Which is almost never," said Ron.

Harry kissed her warmly. "I'm glad you came," he said, "I rather missed you."

"I came to bum a free dinner, but I'll make it worth your while."

"What if it's a really expensive dinner?" Harry asked.

"Then I'll have to really make it worth your while," she answered with a smile.

"I need to change, I know just the place."

Harry dashed for the stairs. Lavender followed him. Either Harry was taking a long time to change or Lavender turned out not to be very hungry after all. Ron set the chessboard back up and went to the library. Suddenly reading seemed like a good idea. He was still in the Library when Hermione came home.

"Lavender's here, I gather," Hermione said.

"How'd you guess?" Ron asked with a smirk, "Do you think they're in love?"

Hermione sat down at her desk and unloaded the books from her bag. "Mostly lust at this point. Harry's an adolescent in a grown man's body and Lavender just gave him a season pass to Disney Land. If Harry would move out of the way, I would kiss her."

"I find that oddly arousing," Ron laughed.

Hermione crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at him. "You are sick, you know that."

"I'm bored," said Ron, "I'm so used to babysitting Harry that I don't know what to do now that he's normal again. I need to get a life again."

"I wasn't aware that you ever had one," Hermione said dryly, but smiled when she was done.

"Ok, book-girl, what was the last thing you did for fun that didn't involve studying or Harry?"

Hermione thought for a while. "I don't think that's a fair question, I actually enjoy studying"

"Come on 'Mione, let's go do something fun. Let's go dancing or something – just the two of us."

"I have classes tomorrow."

"So miss one, it won't hurt you."

Hermione debated with herself, then finally agreed. She did need a break. She decided she would go. A night with Ron would be fun.

Harry lay stretched out on a blanket, soaking up sunlight. Lavender was lying beside him clad in a bathing suit that left just enough to the imagination to remain decent. Halfheartedly, he was paging through a book, making a vague attempt to read. He had been to the coast once before, as a boy he had been drug along with the Dursleys, it had been a frustrating and generally dreadful experience – nothing at all like this. He had been too young to notice then, but he was acutely aware now, that women, girls, wore practically nothing here. After a lifetime of suppressing anything resembling desire, the swirl of shapes and sizes provided infinite distraction.

Most distracting of all was Parvati and of all the distractions he faced, Parvati alone was aware of her role. She was enjoying it. Harry and Lavender had been a couple for almost two months now and Harry felt he had learned a great deal about female behavior in that time. There was no doubt in his mind that Parvati was carefully calculating her actions. Harry's only defense was that he was aware of the fact, other than that, Parvati was having exactly the effect on him that she obviously wanted.

He turned away and studied the napping form of Lavender. Lavender was a series of curves. Harry loved those curves, he knew each of them by heart now but he still wanted to explore them, to find deeper secrets. There were deeper secrets, he knew, he could sense their presence but he didn't yet know how to get to them. They were on the other side of the line that was not to be crossed. Harry was spending more and more of his time with Lavender pushing up against that line, looking for weakness. Each time he pushed, Lavender pushed him back with equal force.

And here he was doing some sort of dance with Parvati. Where Lavender was a mosaic of curves, Parvati was made of lines and angles, highlighted by exotically dark skin and raven-black hair. In a way completely different from Lavender she was stunning. Harry began to wonder what would have happened if he hadn't been such a silly git back in fourth year. Parvati might have been his first girlfriend. The whole ordeal with Ginny might never have happened, or armed with a bit of experience, the whole thing might have worked out a bit differently.

Parvati was feinting just as a Seeker in a Quidditch match might. The difference, Harry supposed was that he was both the opposing Seeker and the Snitch at the same time. Harry was not going to call her bluff. He did want to know what her true intentions were, a deep primal part of himself wanted to know what it would feel like to counter her offer, to experience Parvati as he experienced Lavender. But he would not. The realization made, he buried his head in his book and forced himself to read.

Lavender got up in a truly peckish mood. "I'm going in," she said, "Harry, bring my stuff whenever you're done."

Harry decided he was already done, and got up immediately to gather their belongings. Parvati flashed him a smile and strolled off down the boardwalk. Once inside their beach house, Harry dropped everything unceremoniously to the floor and set out to find Lavender. She was on the balcony, looking out at the ocean.

"Why did you come back soon? You seemed to be having such a good time."

"No, not really."

"I think Parvati would be disappointed to hear that."

Harry cringed. He had no idea he had been so obvious. "I don't care about Parvati, I care about you, Lavender. I…"

"Harry, remember our agreement? You're about two seconds from breaking the terms. Don't you think for a single second that I won't enforce it."

Harry looked crestfallen. "Be that as it may, I wouldn't ever hurt you or betray you."

Lavender laughed to herself. If Harry only knew…Her point had been made anyway and it was hard to stay mad at Harry. "It's okay, I'm just feeling a bit peckish." She kissed him and dragged him off to their bedroom. "This is a physical relationship, so let's go get physical." It was an offer Harry was incapable of refusing.

Harry had progressed beyond simple proficiency now. He was capable of sensing her moods, of detecting what it was she wanted or needed and making sure she got it. He was still incapable of asserting his own needs or desires, however. He could give or receive, but he could not take. She could refuse him anything, and he would simply accept her refusal. She would purposefully frustrate him, she could see the effects on his face, but he still he was unable to assert his own right to happiness.

Lavender imagined her self as being able to give or take, but unable to simply receive. Their flaws made them compatible, but they were still incomplete. The time would be soon, she expected, when that would change. By frustrating Harry, she was frustrating herself, and from that frustration would eventually be born either her final happiness, or her final despair. Either way it fell, Harry would be healed, that would be her ultimate gift to him and to the world.

She was thinking too much, and thinking too much led to despair. She concentrated instead on the task at hand, which was Harry's immediate pleasure. Harry was in fine form today. As she slipped from mental awareness, to physical awareness she suffered a new kind of distraction, one that was wholly welcome. Harry was in very fine form today.

Drowsy, from earlier exertions and from days of doing nothing else, Harry woke and disentangled himself from Lavender. Pulling on some clothes he slipped out to the kitchen. He was hungry, so he decided to cook. He could have just made sandwiches he supposed, but Lavender always seemed so amused by the fact that he would cook for her. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned around expecting to greet Lavender, only to find Parvati

"You," he said, "have caused me enough trouble."

Parvati gave him an amused look. "Me? What could I have possibly done to get you into trouble?"

Harry turned back and continued food preparation. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Do you do this to all of Lavender's boyfriends?"

"Don't be silly, Harry. There were no other boyfriends. Lavender had dates, not relationships. She's always done it to my boyfriends though, so I thought a bit of turnabout might be appropriate. If it bothers you, I could stop. You're very cute when you're flustered though."

"Suit yourself," said Harry, "I seem to remember that I can be very proficient at ignoring you."

"I was younger then, and you were naïve. You're putty in my hands now." She laughed. "I am irresistible."

Harry laughed back. "So you think you're a veela now? I was an Auror you know, I can counter veela magic."

Parvati was walking away. "Possibly, but first you have to want to." Then she closed herself up in her room.

Lavender was in her own apartment, reorganizing her closet. She spent very little time here anymore and despite Harry's many invitations to move in with him, she insisted on keeping it. She was going to need it again very, very soon. She was forcing herself to spend more time here so that when it happened, the shock of being here again would be lessened. She was terrified of the future. She realized that this is how Harry must have felt for most of his life.

From the direction of her living room, she heard his voice. Setting down the stack of winter robes she was holding, she went out to greet him. Harry had a hard, serious look on his face and the smile he gave her when she entered only served to accent it. They had been apart the night before. Once again she had rebuffed his efforts to get closer, and he had been angry so she had left.

"I'm glad to see you again," she said.

Harry didn't answer. He pulled her to him and kissed her. As soon as the kiss began, Lavender knew this was it. Harry picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. Deftly he disrobed, first himself, then her, tossing their robes aside casually. Then Harry took her; he was as gentle, as sensuous as ever, but there was no mistaking his intention. She tried to assert herself, not to stop him, but to take charge. Harry simply overwhelmed her. Harry was here to give and to take. Her defenses were gone she could only surrender.

She wept from the intensity of it. From the core of her soul she found Harry trying to comfort her. She was full of Harry; she was surrounded by Harry; she was drowning in Harry. She made one last attempt to recover herself. It didn't succeed. Waves of Harry passed through her body, the sensations were felt at every level – mental, physical, spiritual, magical. She was healed and cleansed. She was transcendent.

What felt like hours later, they lay where they had finished They had barely moved – neither had the strength. Harry had taken everything she had, but he had given everything as well. She felt the strange dichotomy of being full and empty at the same time. She had to move, she had to recover, there was still work to do, and the longer she waited the less likely it would be that she would actually be able to carry through with it.

With a Herculean effort, she pulled herself up and grabbed a dressing robe. She went to the kitchen and returned with tea and chocolate biscuits. She put Harry's on the nightstand then whispered in his ear "I love you". The effect on Harry was immediate. His eyes opened wide and he sat up straight. Lavender had moved away though at sat in the chair in front of her dresser.

"I love you too, Lavender. But you already knew that I guess."

She nodded, and felt very sad. Then she stiffened. "I'm invoking the termination clause in our deal."

Harry laughed at her. "I renounced that deal before I stepped through the flue."

Lavender's heart did a flip, but she remained firm "This is a delicate time Harry, I know you feel like you're the king of the world right now, but we both know that I could crush you without even trying."

Harry remained equally obstinate. "Maybe, but you would only crush yourself in the process. I know you Lavender, I've seen your soul."

"Then you know that I am perfectly serious when I tell you, our arrangement is over."

"I see, it's you again… I haven't seen you since Brighton." Lavender looked puzzled. "The hard Lavender," Harry explained, "the one with all the sharp edges that lives underneath the one with the curves. I thought I had just killed her. Well, out with it, what do you want?"

Lavender almost broke down then. He did know her, and he had killed the hard Lavender, right now she was only acting, and she had to get this over with soon. "The old deal is over, but I have a new one for you. You know the truth about me, but I also know the truth about you. You are healed now, but you are not whole and I will not accept your love until you are whole."

Harry shuddered. "I don't understand. What do you want me to do?"

Lavender sighed. "I want you to leave."

Harry got out of bed. "I will not do that," he said emphatically. "You should know me better than that."

"I do know you, Harry, so listen to me. When I found you, you were broken. You are the finest, bravest, most loyal wizard of your generation, maybe of any generation, but you have not known anything but pain, suffering, loss, and betrayal. I fixed you Harry. Look at yourself in the mirror – you laugh, you smile, you reek with confidence. Look what you did today, all of the restrictions I put on you, all of the frustrations I gave you, you simply brushed aside. Today was the first day in your life that you decided what YOU wanted and did what had to be done to get it. Today was your N.E.W.T. in life - congratulations, you passed.

Now it's time for my N.E.W.T. Trying to heal you Harry, is the only thing in my life I have ever done for someone else. I did it, too. You are magnificent. I'm proud of you. When I see you now I know that no matter what my reputation is, and no matter how much I did to earn it, that I am a good person. I put everything I had into getting you to this point Harry, but in order for my work to be complete, you have to leave. If you won't, then I will."

"I will not leave you Lavender. You mean too much to me. I was broken and you healed me. You did for me what no other witch would do. I can't begin to repay you for that, but I can and I do return your love. You've been hurt too, I can tell, I don't know who did it, but I can guess what they did and roughly when they did it, and if I ever find out who the bastard was, I am going to kill him. I am not going to walk out of your life, Lavender."

"I don't want you to go Harry, but you have to. You don't have to go forever, but you do have to go. You have to leave, you have to go out and be strong for a while. Experience the world the way you were meant to – have the youth you didn't get to have. If, after a year, if you still love me, you can come back and then I will let you.?

"Why a year? I already know what I want to do. A year isn't going to change anything. I'm the guy who saved himself for six years remember?"

"Because right now, you love me, but you also feel like you owe me something for saving you. I don't want gratitude from you Harry, only love, when you come back, I want you to do so with no regrets, no remorse, and no gratitude. There are things you need to take care of in your own life."

"And what will you do?"

"I have things to sort through myself. I've wasted more years of my life than you have Harry, but I did it in a different way. While I was healing you, you were healing me. Believe me, Harry, I'm not going anywhere. When you come back, I'll be here."

"You are hurt Lavender, you need me. If I leave it's only going to hurt you more."

"I need the you that's going to come back more than I need this you. You know what I am telling you is the truth, admit it."

Reluctantly Harry nodded. "A year is too long though. I'll agree to a month, six weeks max."

Lavender relaxed. A year was far too long for her, but a month wasn't long enough for him. "Six months, not a day less."

Harry nodded, then got dressed. "If I'm going to do this, I have to do it now, before I weaken," he said grimly. "I'm trusting you on this, because this is something I couldn't do own my own."

"It's necessary. Go, come back, it's the only way. We take the small pain now to avoid the big pain later. Do everything you need to do, I mean everything. I'll know if you try and cheat on this Harry, and I won't let you come back if you do."

Harry kissed her long and deep. He was trying to will strength from his body into hers. She accepted it, she had no choice. Unable to look back, Harry slipped quietly outside and vanished

Six months - it seemed like forever. Lavender had been right, there were certain things he had to do that he would never be able to do unless he was alone. Ironically, most of them had to do with other women. Foremost, he had to resolve the matter of Ginny. He had no idea of how he was going to do that, but he had a little time to figure it out.

Lavender had been right about a lot of things. Harry had changed, and the way he looked at the world was no longer the same. Lavender was wise in a way he would never understand. Harry had a list of things in his mind that he wanted to settle, some minor, some major, but in six months he didn't want anything hanging over his head.

From Lavender's he apparated to Flourish and Bott's in Diagon Alley, and went back to the antique books section. The dealer hadn't believed him when Harry told him what he wanted. "But sir, do you have any idea how rare that is?" Harry didn't care. The dealer promised to owl him as soon as the item he wanted was ready.

He next stopped at Saemunder's and bought the finest set of rings they had. Crafted by dwarves in the mountains of Norway, they were an intricate weave of gold and silver fibers forming swirls of knots in elaborate patterns. Set on the witch's ring was an enormous chunk of a diamond. His wife was going to need a levitation charm on that ring to be able to use her hand.

Done for now, he returned home. He went to his room and went to sleep. He hadn't had a full night's rest for ages. Love had a lot of things going for it, but sleep wasn't one of them. Waking up fully rested, he tried to decide what to do next, but could come up with nothing. He set to work trying to figure out what to do about Ginny.

Late in the week, he got an owl from Flourish and Bott's telling him his purchase was now available. Harry authorized the transfer of funds and apparated to Diagon Alley. The dealer handed him his purchase along with statements of authenticity with tremendous reverence. Harry returned home and waited.

When Hermione came home she found Harry waiting in the library waiting for her.

"I'm surprised to see you here," she said, "where's Lavender?"

"Lavender and I have agreed not to see each other for a while."

"What? Harry, I'm so sorry. I really thought it was going to work out for you two."

"It's a temporary thing. We both have issues we have to sort out, before we commit. Neither of us is happy about it, but we agree it's necessary."

"You're sure about this? This is isn't going to be a repeat of Ginny is it?"

Harry laughed. "Oh no, not at all." He fished the rings he had bought out of his pocket and showed them to Hermione.

Hermione gasped aloud. "Those are dwarven, Harry. They had to have cost a fortune." Harry nodded. "Does she know?" Hermione asked.

"No," answered Harry, "not exactly. I expect you'll see her before I do, so please don't tell her."

"How long are you going to wait?"

"Five months, three weeks, and two days," Harry answered.

"That's kind of precise isn't it? And you aren't going to see her until then?"

"Like I said, there are issues to be sorted, resolved. She wanted a year, we compromised on six months."

"What kind of issues?"

"Issues like you and I."

Hermione leaned back in her chair. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know for a fact that you do," said Harry. He went to the desk he kept here, but rarely used and pulled out his bundle. He had bought a special case for it and enchanted it with a stasis field to keep its contents preserved. He set it on the desk in front of Hermione. "This is for you."

Hermione opened the box and simply stared. "Harry, I can't accept this. This is priceless, it should be in a museum."

"You can and will accept it," Harry said firmly, "I can assure you it most definitely had a price though. If you think it is best kept in a museum that is for you to decide. It belongs to you now."

Hermione couldn't believe her eyes. Inside the box was a manuscript version of _Hogwarts: A History_. The date inside was 1216. This was a national treasure. Even for someone with Harry's wealth, this was extravagant beyond words.

"I don't know what to say, Harry. Thank you, but I don't deserve this."

"That," Harry insisted, "is a matter of opinion. When I look back on my life, there is one person who has always been there for me. Through the joy and sorrow, through countless hospital stays, through the darkest days of Voldemort, through the endless despair of Ginny, though my own stubborn refusal and inability to live my life, you were there for me. You have been more than a friend to me, and no 800 year old manuscript can repay the debt I owe you."

"There are things I have not told you, Harry. I don't deserve this. It doesn't matter anyway, there are no debts between friends."

"I think I know what it is you haven't told me, or at least some of it."

"And you still consider me your friend?"

"I could ask you the same thing. How many years have you wasted on me Hermione? How long have I been an obstacle in your path to happiness?"

"Those years weren't wasted Harry. They were dark, and depressing, and I was worried sick about you, but they were not wasted."

"They are not what you would've wanted, nor what I wanted for you. I am sorry. I failed you."

"We failed each other, but not through intent or malice, simply though our own misunderstanding of life and ourselves."

Harry leaned in and kissed Hermione, passionately but gently so that she could break away if she chose. Hermione did not pull away, but neither did she immediately return the kiss. When she did, Harry pressed harder. She felt a giddy surging rush from deep inside her, it was the feeling she had felt when Harry had taken her up on his Firebolt back in sixth year. She soared and spiraled and lost all reference of direction. She held tight to Harry for fear of falling, in return he held her delicately, with quiet control. She had never realized that he was so muscular. She realized that she still thought of Harry as the frightened teenage boy she had gone to Hogwarts with. That Harry was gone.

Harry circuitously guided her back to the firm ground of reality. Short of air, the world resolved itself the shape of a library and a face with two green eyes and a knowing smile. He held her until she felt steady enough to stand on her feet. "That was the invitation," he said, "it is yours to accept or decline." He smiled at her again, and left the library.

Hermione collapsed into her desk chair. Lavender had told her that she was going to transform Harry into god's gift to women and then set him free. Hermione had thought the answer was a joke, but now she knew it was truth. Harry was dangerous now and he knew it. So what did this mean to her? She loved Harry more than any other person on earth, even Ron. She had a casual intimacy with Ron though that she had never been able to have with Harry. For years she had blamed Harry for this. What now? Harry was obviously in control of his emotions. Did she want this or not?

She did not, and truthfully, she didn't think Harry did either. That was the nature of the gift before her. Harry still did nothing halfway, he had kissed her in part just because he could, in part so that she would know he could. It was his way of acknowledging her feelings and telling her it was time for closure. He was willing to give her whatever she thought she needed. The book would do nicely, but if he ever offered another kiss, well, she just might accept that too.

A month had passed and Harry had not figured out what to do about Ginny. Whatever he was going to do, he needed to do it and leave enough time for whatever emotional recovery he would need. Other than the matter with Hermione, he had done nothing else. He needed to move if Lavender was going to take him back in four months, three weeks and four days. He knew what she wanted him to do, but it was a very un-Harry thing to do. A familiar voice called out his name from the fireplace.

"Harry, are you there?"

"Yes, I'm here," he answered.

Parvati Patil stepped out of the fire and brushed soot from the padded shoulders of the navy blue business suit she was wearing. "Hi there," she said with the coy smile she had perfected during their holiday in Brighton. "Lavender sent me to deliver a few messages: First, get off your cute but lazy arse and get busy. Second, You and I have some unfinished business to resolve, and I should get nothing less than an expensive Muggle dinner out of the deal."

"She told you all of that, did she?" Harry asked with a smirk.

"That's all I'm supposed to tell you anyway. I will tell you that she misses you terribly."

"Thanks," said Harry, "Please tell her that I miss her as well."

"So where are we going to dinner?" Parvati asked.

"Wait here, I'll go change." Harry went upstairs and changed into black trousers, and a black silk shirt. Then went back down to meet Parvati. "Do you like Chinese?" he asked. Parvati nodded in answer. "Let's apparate to the Cauldron then, we'll go from there."

At the restaurant, Harry was charming and engaging, but not receptive to Parvati's flirtations. When dinner ended, Harry took her to a bar that only seemed to serve frozen drinks. It was bright with neon, and a plastic décor. It was horrid.

"This place is horrible, Harry!" Parvati protested, "Why on earth did you bring me here?"

"Payback," Harry answered, "You caused me grief on Holiday, now you will never see another Daiquiri without thinking of this place. I've scarred your brain."

"Ouch," Parvati answered, "Let's go someplace less bright to talk about this…like anywhere outside at noon."

Harry threw a few Muggle Euros on the bar. And they left, walking until they found a decent looking pub. Once inside, Harry ordered a bottle of wine and they found a secluded booth to sit in.

Parvati looked at him expectantly. Harry remained quiet.

"You know," said Parvati, "She is never going to let you come back until we settle this. And even if we settle it your way, she's still not going to let you come back until you're with someone else."

Harry nodded. "I know, but I just don't understand why. And I don't understand why you are so willing to go along with this."

"I can help on both accounts. You will not tell her I told you this, Lavender would be furious. She wants you to know you have choices, she wants you to have experienced choices, and then to choose her. It also has to do with her past. She thinks that if you start your relationship and she is the only woman you have ever known you will someday become restless, and especially considering her own past, you will resent her. Lavender doesn't think about sex the same way everyone else does."

"And what do you think?" Harry asked.

"I think she's right," said Parvati.

"And why are you so willing to be part of this?"

"Well, you're a good looking guy, Harry. We kind of have a past, even if it is you being a prat. And then there's the fact that you're special"

"You mean the boy-who-lived crap?"

"No, I mean you're the boy-who-caught-Lavender. She trained you from the ground up to be a stud, so maybe we're the only ones who know that, but Lavender has had her choice of England, and you are the only one she has ever even thought about staying with, and she has it bad for you. Call me superficial, but if I get to take you for a test-run, I'm doing it."

A thought occurred to Harry. "You've known Lavender since you were kids, right?"

Parvati nodded.

"Then I have a deal for you. I need a piece of information, and in exchange, I'll give you your test-run."

"What piece of information?" Parvati was intrigued. When Harry told her what he wanted to know, she was far less intrigued. "Lavender will kill me if I tell you that."

"Then don't tell her, I certainly won't. It's the only way you're ever going to get more than dinner and a smile from me."

"What are you going to do, if I tell you?"

"Nothing that will ever be traced back to you or me. The information will find its way to the right people. I was a Special Ops Auror, you know."

"Ok, deal." Parvati gave him what he wanted.

"If Lavender asks, I seduced you brilliantly," Harry said. Then leaned in to kiss her. This was cold and calculated, he did everything simply to get maximum response from her. They had a deal, and he was going to keep it. She would get a test-run and he would make it worth her while, then tomorrow he would visit the Auror Academy.

He put all of that out of his mind for now. He had to do this, so he would learn from this experience what Lavender wanted him to learn. Parvati was attractive, but she lacked the matter-of-fact warmth that Lavender had. She was hard where Lavender was soft and distant. She was there to say she had slept with Harry Potter, not because she cared about the experience. In the morning, he kissed her goodbye and disapparated in a puff of air.

Harry walked into the Auror Academy and was hit by a wave of nostalgia. Those who remembered him gave him a crisp salute as he passed. In the office of his old superior, Buck Taylor, he made his request.

"And this happened when?" Buck asked

"Ten years ago" Harry answered.

"And you have no supporting evidence?"

"Buck, you know I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure. The bastard ought to be in Azkaban, he took a young girl's innocence away. That can't ever be replaced."

"Will she testify in court?"

"If she knew I was here, she would carve me into pieces."

"You're asking a lot, Harry. It's not that I don't want to help, but this is way against the rules."

"Just do something, that's all I ask. Who knows if he did it to anyone else, it's at least worth checking into. You have a daughter, right? Imagine how you would feel if she were next."

"Okay, Harry. I'll look into it, but we're even now.'

"Thanks, if you ever need something, let me know."

Harry apparated to Diagon Alley and stopped at Fortescue's for an ice cream, and to think of what to do next. Lavender was obviously keeping tabs on him, most likely via Hermione. Those two really had become friends. He was surprised that Hermione would have anything to do with Lavender's plan, but stranger things had happened. Suddenly he a plan on how to deal with Ginny. He abandoned his ice cream, to start putting the pieces into place. It was a simple plan, but it was something.

There was one month and three weeks exactly remaining to his exile when he sent Hedwig off to find Ginny. He was pretty sure he had sowed enough wild oats to please Lavender now. The only major task he had remaining was this. He had purchased a getaway cottage, surrounded by forests on all sides. There was magic in this forest, and Harry had put up a series of wards to keep the forest magic in the forest and out of his cottage. He wasn't even sure Ginny would come, if she didn't then he would have to go to the Burrow. Ron had told him she was living there now that she and her husband were estranged.

In preparation for her possible arrival, Harry had cooked, the table was set with game hens and rice; Wine was poured; and candles were lit. He would eat well himself at the very least. Harry felt strangely calm. Over the past seven years, he had envisioned this moment a thousand different times in a thousand different ways. Now that it was actually going to happen, he felt ambivalent. No matter what happened, it wasn't going to change anything.

At the specified time, there was a pop, and there, in a simple green robe was Ginny. She looked smaller to him, diminished somehow. Her eyes no longer had the fire he remembered, and her hair no longer had the same glow. She smiled tightly at him, and he discovered that her smiles still did things to his stomach. He welcomed her in and invited her to sit for dinner. She agreed.

"I wasn't sure you would come," Harry said.

"You look great," Ginny said, "you've changed."

They ate dinner without saying much more. When they were done, Harry washed the dishes and Ginny dried and put them away. Ginny built a fire in the hearth and Harry brought another bottle of wine. It was all so amazingly casual, as if nothing had happened between them, as if they had lived in this cottage together for years. Harry sat on the floor in front of the fire, and Ginny snuggled in beside him and laid her head on his shoulder and they watched the dance of flames as if it were theatre.

Ginny pulled his face to hers, and gently kissed him. Harry felt the same quickening he had when he was a teenager, not even Lavender had ever given him that bone quaking sensation that Ginny did. The smell of her, the touch of her, the essence of Ginny was still the same, and it still intoxicated him. He returned her kiss with the whole of his being. Ginny welcomed him, and returned the same. Harry lost track of the lines that distinguished her from him and him from her.

Desperately he broke the kiss. "Not on the floor," he said. He took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom and there they took up where they had left off. Harry reveled in her beauty. He composed symphonies of touch and kiss and embrace and offered them to her. Ginny accepted his offerings, absorbed them and radiatiated them outward where Harry received them and used them to compose new symphonies.

Finally he could no longer maintain the delicate balance, and he plummeted from the precipice he had constructed. It was a long and exhilarating trip down and when it was over, he wept. Great painful sobs racked his body. Ginny, lost in her own storm of emotions, tried to comfort him, but it was futile. He felt as if he cried for hours. When he regained some composure, he stretched along side Ginny and watched her sleep until he drifted off himself.

The next morning, he woke to the smell of eggs, bacon and coffee. Throwing on a robe, he went to the kitchen to find breakfast waiting for him on the table. Ginny served him and he ate heartily. After breakfast, Harry went and worked in the garden, weeding and pruning plants he knew he would never see again. Ginny worked on the inside of the cottage, cleaning and dusting. She brought his lunch out to him, along with a pitcher of lemonade and watched as he ate it. That evening they made love again, just as passionately, and again Harry wept.

More than a week later, Harry had patched the roof, cleared the weeds from the lawn, repaired the fence, and done a host of other jobs around the cottage. Ginny had given the inside a similar treatment. In between times, they had picnic lunches, went on walks, played chess, or spent quiet hours in the garden. Every evening they spent wrapped in each other. Still they had not really talked. Harry wept less each night, until, finally, he no longer wept at all.

Harry had not wept for two nights and Ginny knew that now was the time. Harry woke and she served him breakfast as she had for the past nine days. He ate cheerfully, as always and helped her clean up the kitchen afterwards. She sat back down at the table afterwards and waited for him to join her.

"This is all an illusion," she said, "a very nice illusion, but no more real for all that."

Harry nodded. "We both needed to know."

"I was a fool. I wasted not only my life but yours as well. I was looking for something that was already right in front of me, it was already inside me. You tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. Can you forgive me?"

"I already have. If it helps any, I understand what you were looking for now, and it wasn't foolish, I had to look for it myself. I almost didn't find it."

"You only lost it because of me though. I hurt you terribly - I know that. Since the last time we spoke, I've come to realize some part of how you must have felt. Here, you are though, stronger than ever and I feel weak and pathetic."

"I had help, I couldn't have done it alone, I was beyond lost."

"Lavender," Ginny said softly and Harry nodded. "I never pictured her as your type. Rather adventurous of you isn't?"

"There's more to Lavender than meets the eye. Whatever she lacks in book knowledge, she more than makes up for in simple down-to-earth wisdom. Lavender saved me, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here."

"And why are you here, Harry?"

Harry pulled out the small velvet box holding the ring he had bought. He opened it and sat in the middle of the table. He was already wearing the wizard's ring. He set his hand on the table so that it was clearly visible. Ginny gasped and picked up the ring. She toyed with it in her hand.

"You and I share a love that transcends a single lifetime. All of this, all of our past together, is just a background; it's just canvas we have splashed the paint of life on. Our souls belong together and they always will"

Ginny stared at the ring in her hand, he had not bought this ring for her, but if she were to put it on Harry would stay with her forever. That's who Harry was. That's who she was too. She wanted desperately to put this ring on her finger; her body ached with desire to feel its grasp. Her soul was screaming at her. There was a resonance between her and Harry, she could see the turmoil she felt on Harry's always transparent face.

Perhaps she had simply found Harry too soon in this life, perhaps she had read too many issues of Witch's Weekly as a girl. She had been afraid of Harry. There was nothing more she had ever wanted than to her spend her life with Harry. When she had first heard the story of the boy-who-lived, before she understood there was such a thing as love, or souls, she had known she was connected to him somehow. Then he had shown up in her life and he had loved her and she had pushed him away.

Their souls belonged together and they always had. She knew it as well as Harry, but she had pushed him away for fear of losing her youth, fear of not experiencing life. What had she accomplished by doing that? She'd had meaningless dates and a failed marriage. She had lost friends, and scarred the man she loved. In the end, the truth she had wanted had been in the love she had pushed away.

She could have it all back. That's what Harry was offering her. She had met him here, and they had carried on as if nothing had happened, that was the resonance they shared. That was why Harry had cried himself to sleep: all of the pain and suffering had changed nothing. Still he had forgiven her, still he offered her the courtesy she had never offered him. She could not take this from him, she realized, this was not her choice to make. She set the ring back in the box.

"If you want me to wear that ring, Harry, you're going to have to put it on my finger yourself."

There souls belonged together, but that didn't mean their hearts and bodies did – not this lifetime anyway. That was the truth. She knew it and Harry knew it. She had traded a few years of independence for a lifetime of happiness. That had been her choice, a pretty poor one in retrospect, but she had made it. She could only hope that next time she would be wiser. What happened next was up to Harry.

Harry closed the box, and slipped it back into the folds of his robe. He had already made his decision. "I'm sorry Ginny…"

"I know, Harry. You shouldn't be, you should never have had to make a choice like this. I created this mess."

"Are you going to be alright? This was the best way I could think for us to work this out, but I'm not exactly a genius when it comes to this."

"So it's over then?"

Harry shook his head. "Not until you're ready, and even then you can stay here. If you want it, the cottage is yours, I won't be coming back."

"How long before you go back to Lavender?"

"Five weeks and five days. She pushed me out to teach me to fly on my own, the last step in my healing process, she said."

"It was very brave of her to let you go like that."

"Like I said, there's more to her than meet's the eye."

"Did she know you were going to do this? I mean you and me?"

"I didn't know I was going to do this. But, yes, she knew I was going to find you. It was one of the things she insisted on, as a matter of fact. You and I could not part in this life with bitterness between us."

"I'm never going to see you again, am I?"

"Not like this, no. It would be naïve to think that we could ever be just friends. You and I, we have eternity. This life belongs to Lavender, or at least it will in five weeks and five days."

"Then spend a few more days with me. Give me just a little more time."

There were two day left before Lavender's deadline. He had only one item left on his agenda, and that would be taken care of tomorrow. He stared at the ceiling in his room in the house he shared with Ron and Hermione. He had almost nothing left here, this would be the last night he would spend here. Ron and Hermione could stay here for as long as they chose, but he wanted new surroundings to go with his new life.

It was almost a month since he had left Ginny in the Forest Cottage almost a week after their talk. He felt a twinge of sadness at the parting, but he had no regrets about it. Harry had lived his entire life under the shadow of destinies, legacies, and magical bonds. In this one thing he was going to choose his path for no other reason than his own happiness and the happiness of the woman he loved. The fact that he also loved Ginny no longer created a conflict for him.

The next day, Dobby the House Elf, and his long time friend arrived to transport the last of Harry's belongings to his new residence. Harry had hired the little elf and his wife. He didn't really need two house elves, but these two were a couple. When Dobby had found out that Harry wanted a House Elf, he had offered to work for mere socks. Harry insisted on paying both him and Winky in gold and socks if they were going to work for him.

With the last arrangements made, Harry changed into a tailored dress robe, threw the things he needed into a bag and apparated to Lavender's apartment. Lavender had just sat down to lunch when Harry appeared.

"You're early," she said quietly. "Your six months isn't over until tomorrow."

"Neither is yours," answered Harry, "I have a good reason. It's a matter of resolving unfinished business." Harry pulled a folder out of his bag and put it in front of Lavender. She read it and began to weep. Harry pulled her tight against his chest until she could speak.

"How? Why?" She asked.

"I wasn't the only to be hurt at a young age, you needed to be healed too, and no one ever bothered to help you. After what you have done for me, what I did was nothing, less than nothing, really. I can't replace the years you lost, but I can make sure it doesn't happen again. That bastard finally knows what justice is."

"How did you find out though?"

"I'm a superhero, remember? I have ways, and that's all I'm ever going to tell you."

Lavender levitated the Auror report over to the sink and then muttered an incendiary charm and watched as the ashes slowly sank and the smoke cleared. "You have no idea how good it is to know that he isn't going to do that anymore, and that he is finally paying for what he did. You can't imagine how many nights I've spent, unable to sleep because I saw his face staring at me when I closed my eyes."

"Azkaban will take care of him now."

Lavender got up and put a kettle on the fire. "You're still early. You've got at least twelve hours to go, and that's if I decide to let you go by the calendar instead of the time we actually made the agreement.

Harry relaxed in his chair. "Your call, but this seems as good a place to wait as any."

"So tell me about the past six months. Parvati says you are inhuman, that you must be part whatever the male equivalent to a veela is. I think you were just showing off with her though, and you know that's not what I wanted you to do."

"Well I do have twelve hours left, I suppose I could chase her down and get a quickie."

"Try it and I'll turn you both into toads."

"I discovered I liked her more with her clothes on. She's too vain to even know she didn't get what she wanted."

"What else did you do?"

"I've had Godric's Hollow rebuilt. It is my ancestral home, passed down for ages. It was destroyed when my parents died but I thought it was time for it to be restored. I want you to live with me there…as my wife." He held the ring in his hand. "Whether you accept this ring or not, my heart belongs to you. Before you accept it there is something you need to know." Harry told her about Ginny and the cottage and the choices that he had made.

Lavender held out her hand. "I accept. You did not choose to be Ginny's soul mate, you did choose your life mate though. I will take this lifetime and worry about the next when it gets here." Harry slipped the ring onto her finger, and they touched the tips of their wands together. They both shuddered as a burst of magic course through them.

"Husband," Lavender said, looking into his eyes.

"Wife," Harry countered.

He bent down to kiss her. There was even greater magic here. Harry tried to absorb Lavender into himself, but felt instead, that he was dissolving into her. It didn't matter. They were together, and he was happy. He felt truly whole.

"Let's go get started on creating a Potter dynasty." Lavender said to him

"What happened to twelve more hours, waiting until tomorrow, and all that?" Harry asked.

Lavender flicked her wand at the clock, and the hands rotated around the face until the date changed. "Will you look at that? It's tomorrow already."


End file.
